How Long Would You Last Working for Donald Trump?

Katie Zacharia lasted five days as Donald Trump's White House press secretary, which, let’s be honest, is barely enough time to figure out the fastest route to the bathroom or even learn the names of all of your colleagues.

Her abrupt departure on Friday and the absurd way in which other White House employees have drifted in and out of the president’s orbit lead to a very simple question. What are the chances of getting hired by Donald Trump and, maybe more entertainingly, how long could one expect to remain employed by him?

We mimed stats and data (there is, indeed, a substantial body of evidence to examine) and came up with a very unscientific calculator that works as a prognosis of your potential latitude if you partake in this presidency.

According to the Brookings Institution, 56 percent of senior White House positions had experienced turnover by September 30, 2026. During Trump's first administration, the figure reached 92 percent. These numbers include resignations, promotions and dismissals, so they cannot tell us your individual probability of being fired, but they suggest that anyone accepting a White House position should consider negotiating a severance package before selecting a parking spot.

In the interest of public service, here is a thoroughly unscientific employment guide based on six characteristics that might help determine your professional life expectancy under Trump. Our findings are drawn from selected real employees, not representative demographic averages. So, the resulting "advice" should be treated with precisely the seriousness it deserves.

How Long Would You Survive Working for Trump?

Enter your age, sex, height, professional background and prospective White House job title to discover your estimated employment life expectancy. Results are based on real Trump administration departures and a generous helping of statistical irresponsibility.

For those who prefer to understand the science (or lack thereof) behind their professional prognosis, here's how the numbers breakdown.

1. Sex: One Woman Lasted 5 Days. One Man Lasted 11.

Zacharia's five-day tenure is particularly impressive when compared with that of Anthony Scaramucci, who managed 11 days as White House communications director in 2017, or Michael Flynn, who lasted 25 days when counting both his first and last day as national security adviser.

Sally Yates, meanwhile, survived just 11 calendar dates as acting attorney general before Trump fired her for refusing to defend his travel ban.

There is no statistical basis for concluding that women are more likely to be dismissed than men, but these examples do suggest that the president is an equal-opportunity practitioner of abrupt career termination.

2. Age: Millennials, 226 Days. Gen X, 11 Days.

Consider Scaramucci, who was 53 when he began his extraordinarily brief White House career, and Hope Hicks, who was 28 when Trump took office in January 2017.

Scaramucci lasted 11 days as communications director. Hicks, appointed to that role later that year, served from August 16, 2017, until March 29, 2018—226 calendar days, counting both her first and last day.

That gives Hicks a 215-day advantage, although it would be premature to conclude that youth confers immunity from presidential displeasure. Hicks also enjoyed a longstanding relationship with Trump, whereas Scaramucci spent part of his brief tenure disparaging his colleagues in a spectacularly profane interview.

Still, for millennials concerned about their employment prospects, the comparison offers an encouraging lesson. Experience is overrated, provided you have the right boss.

3. Height: Zero Days of Statistically Proven Advantage.

Trump has long demonstrated an interest in physical appearance, which raises an important and entirely frivolous question. Are taller employees harder to fire?

Unfortunately, the federal government does not maintain a publicly available database of White House staff heights alongside their termination dates, which is a regrettable omission for an administration so interested in the physical presentation of its personnel.

Without verified measurements, we cannot establish whether a six-foot-four adviser enjoys greater employment security than his five-foot-eight counterpart, or whether the president prefers firing people he can literally look down upon.

We can, however, offer one provisional finding—there is currently no demonstrated relationship between height and surviving a Trump administration.

4. Professional Background: Wall Street, 11 Days. Politics, 189 Days. Military, 101 Days.

If professional experience were a reliable predictor of job security, Reince Priebus would have been practically immortal.

The former Republican National Committee chairman had spent years navigating GOP politics before becoming Trump's first White House chief of staff. He lasted 189 days.

Scaramucci, a financier with extensive Wall Street experience, managed the aforementioned 11.

And Mike Waltz, a former Green Beret and Republican congressman, survived 101 elapsed days as Trump's second-term national security adviser before being removed from the position following the Signal group-chat controversy.

We should also note that Waltz was nominated for another administration role, while Priebus and Scaramucci lost their jobs outright.

Still, the evidence suggests that the skills required to succeed in politics, finance or the military do not necessarily translate into the ability to survive a performance review conducted by Trump.

5. Job Title: Press Secretary, 5 Days. National Security Adviser, 25 Days. Chief of Staff, 189 Days.

Here, at last, we encounter a variable that appears to matter considerably.

Zacharia lasted five days as press secretary. Scaramucci survived 11 as communications director. Flynn served 25 calendar dates as national security adviser, from January 20 through February 13, 2017. Priebus managed 189 days as chief of staff.

There have been considerably longer-serving occupants of all these offices, but the apparent lesson is that the closer your responsibilities bring you to explaining or defending Trump's decisions, the more likely you are to find yourself explaining your own departure.

Then again, Waltz's experience complicates the picture. After the Signal controversy, Trump nominated him to become ambassador to the United Nations.

Apparently, in the Trump administration, even a demotion can come with diplomatic privileges.

6. Loyalty: Anywhere From 5 to 226 Days.

This is perhaps the most important variable of all.

Trump's second administration has made loyalty a central hiring consideration. Brookings researchers have documented considerably lower early turnover in his second administration than in his first, although loyalty alone cannot explain the difference.

But loyalty, as Zacharia discovered, is not an unlimited employment contract.

Her first and only White House briefing lasted approximately 14 minutes, during which she praised the president and his accomplishments. By Friday, she was out.

Scaramucci was also an enthusiastic Trump defender and lasted just over 10 days.

Hicks, another trusted Trump loyalist, lasted 226 calendar dates in her first stint as communications director and subsequently returned to the administration.

There is no scientifically established exchange rate between presidential compliments and days of employment, although one suspects a sufficiently ambitious economist could secure federal funding to investigate it.

Your Final Employment Prognosis

So what have we learned?

Being young may help you in a Trump administration role, although being old doesn't necessarily hurt. Being a man offers no guarantee and being a woman certainly doesn't. Military experience, Wall Street credentials and decades in Republican politics are of limited protective value. Height remains an intriguing but unproven factor.

The only consistent finding is that Trump's employment decisions are difficult to predict, which is a curious feature in an administration that prizes loyalty above almost everything else.

To be fair, Trump has improved his retention record in his second term, suggesting that even America's most enthusiastic practitioner of televised dismissal may have discovered the advantages of keeping employees around.

But for prospective applicants, the safest approach remains unchanged: negotiate your severance before your salary and if you make it to Friday, congratulations. You're employee of the week.