My Wife Makes Six Times What I Make. I Plan to Change That By Training for a New Career—But There’s a Catch.

Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

I’ve been stuck in a dead-end, low-paying clerical job for the last three years. Besides the blow to my ego as friends reach career milestones I long assumed I would, it sucks living in a very high cost of living area and not being able to afford anything. I’m so desperately tired of this that I’m willing to change my life pretty drastically to ensure that I never have to search for a new job in a bad market ever again. I’m looking at getting training in one of three different sought-after career areas.

I’ve spoken to people in each field and done other research that makes me confident I could do each role, but I could use your help to see my situation more clearly as I look at costs and benefits.The first option is to train as a tugboat captain, where I’d make about $120,000 a year, and the two-year training would include a stipend. The next option is to train as a therapist therapist, where I’d make about $90,000-$100,000 a year after three-to-five years of unpaid training and supervision. This option would leave me with mid-five figures of student debt. The third option is psychiatric nurse practitioner, which takes four years of unpaid training. I’d make $130,000 to $375,000 a year and graduate with low six figures worth of student debt.

My wife makes six times what I do, but she couldn’t totally support me for four years.  She says I should follow my heart, but I worry about supporting myself during training and holding us back from achieving our biggest goal, which is to buy a house. I’m sorely, sorely tempted by the psychiatric nurse practitioner option. That salary is at a level where I’d never have to worry about money again, which is the ultimate dream for me. But the student debt scares me! Should I stick to something with less risk, like the paid captain training? How do you decide whether a big financial risk is worth it?

—Risky Stability

Dear Risky Stability,

Choosing a new career path is what many people will be doing in the AI era. So, reframe your thinking around the idea that you’ll have several careers in your life so you can fully evaluate what risks you’re prepared to take to set yourself up for the next phase of life.

Start by re-checking the salary numbers for each of these options. The Bureau of Labor Statistics puts the median pay for captains, mates and pilots of water vessels at about $92,000. A tugboat captain earning $120,000 is possible, but that usually comes after years on the water. Psychiatric nurse practitioners typically earn around $130,000 to $145,000 (so treat the $375,000 as an outlier). Ask working therapists what they really take home, because $90,000 to $110,000 would be at the high end in most places. (If they take insurance, therapists make quite a bit less than the amount they bill their patients.)

Each of these jobs has different challenges. As a tugboat captain, you may be away from home for extended periods of time, and neither you or your wife may want that. Psychiatric nurse practitioners work extremely hard and have a great deal of stress. Are you cut out for that life? Therapists in private practice might have to pay for their own health insurance as well as business expenses, taking a chunk of those earnings right off the top.

Next, let’s talk about how you’ll pay for the training you need. Starting July 1, 2026, Grad PLUS loans were eliminated for new borrowers, and as I write this, federal graduate loans are capped at $20,500 a year and $100,000 total. Graduate nursing programs are subject to those caps, though lawsuits are challenging that. If your program costs more, you’d need private loans. Ask each school what students in your situation actually borrow. But, because Americans are aging and there is a nursing shortage, there are hundreds of federal and state scholarships and grants available. Be sure to file your FAFSA form early, if you decide to go in that direction.

Here’s a rule of thumb: try not to borrow more than you expect to earn your first year. At 7 percent over 10 years, $120,000 in loans is about $1,390 a month. That’s manageable on $130,000. It’s not manageable if you drop out, or if the job pays $85,000. Investigate if your local hospitals provide any tuition reimbursement for employees who seek higher training. It might be worth taking a job at a hospital system if they will help you financially train for the job you want, then hire you for it.

The question you need to answer is, how long will it take you to train for these jobs and what’s the financial hit? It sounds like tugboat captain is the cheapest initially, since there is a stipend for the two years of training. If you like the sound of that life, then go for it.
Nurse practitioners typically train for two years, with more training for specialties like psychiatric care, and those are extremely intense, with few breaks. It will be intellectually challenging but rewarding. Can you and your wife afford to live on her income for two to four years? Will you eventually burn out from the fast-paced grind? Could you start as a registered nurse and then work your way up?

Being a therapist is something you can do for many years, but it will take awhile to build your practice and referral network.

The question you’re really asking is how do you know if taking any of these paths, with all the financial risk they entail, is worth it. So, sit down with your wife and a spreadsheet. Add up lost income, tuition, and balance that against the job opportunities that are available where you want to live and what they pay. I’d put the house on hold for now. You don’t know what you’ll earn or where you’ll be living, and getting the job of your dreams may take you somewhere with a lower cost of living. Once your new salary kicks in, and you get a handle on your debt, you can begin house-hunting with real numbers.

Your wife says follow your heart. I agree. Whichever path you choose needs to be something you want to do for a long time to come.

—Ilyce

Classic Prudie

My sister is a young, successful woman who is dating in a major city. She is specifically dating for relationships—while she enjoys hooking up with the guys she dates, she’s not looking for situationships but for something lasting. Her hook-up habits have caused friction with our mom, who will say things like “I didn’t think girls like you did that” (spend the night at a guy’s house after the second date) or “I didn’t raise you to be one of those fast girls.” The problem is, I don’t think my mom’s completely wrong.