This came out of nowhere.
Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
For the last couple of months, my husband has been dry-humping me in his sleep around two to three times per week. I have to shake him awake when it happens to get him to stop, and he is embarrassed and apologetic when he finds out about it.
This is unpleasant and obviously disruptive for me. Prior to this, he was a normal (and sound) sleeper for as long as I’ve known him, and we have no idea why it began in the first place. Does this kind of thing go away on its own? Or should he see someone?
—Things That Will Go Hump in the Night
Video from Slate
Dear Things That Will Go Hump in the Night,
Since it’s been a couple of months, it’s happening multiple times per week, and it can take time to get appointments with specialists, I’d start looking for a professional now. There’s a chance that this nighttime activity is due to a medical cause that really needs attention, and having both of your slumbers interrupted regularly by unconscious sexual actions is bad enough on its own.
Depending on how his access to the medical system is structured, and what resources the two of you have (maybe there’s a sleep specialist in your family who is well connected to someone who focuses on sexsomnia), that path will probably start with whatever kind of general practitioner your husband sees, or any mental health professionals he works with.
—Jessica
More Advice From Slate
My wife and I have been together for six years, married for nearly three. On the whole, we’ve had a good relationship. There are ups and downs like any other, but we both support each other, sacrifice for each other, and make a point to communicate our love to each other frequently. During a recent argument, my wife made clear she was unhappy about my having gained weight recently. Hours after the fight had died down, I tried to approach her and explain how this had hurt me.