The 3 Pillars of Happiness According to Science

What does it take to increase our happiness? There are three pillars of happiness: (1) good relationships, (2) meaning, and (3) work (if you're a student, that is your "work").

Good relationships are overwhelmingly the most important pillar of happiness. The longest research study of happiness, healthfulness, and well-being is The Harvard Study of Adult Development. It showed that "Among the many predictors of health and happiness, from good diet to exercise to level of income, a life of good relationships stands out for its power and consistency (Waldinger, 2023).

Good relationships are critical for enhancing happiness, including in old age, even if we are dying and in pain. Palliative care physicians reviewed their patients' experiences and concluded, "social connection was the most important element of happiness at the end of life" (Beng, 2022).

We should treat our relationships with family, friends, co-workers, and others with care. It helps to write down the names of everyone we consider part of our meaningful relationships. Then, ask yourself if you are proactive in nurturing your relationships. Make it your responsibility.

Money and Happiness

What role does money play in happiness? Having enough money to meet our fundamental survival needs (food, shelter, clothing, and the like) adds to our happiness. However, once you reach the middle class in your society, more money does not make you happier.

However, there are three things that money can buy that increase happiness. One is using money to benefit others. The second is to buy experiences rather than things (e.g., take your kids on vacation rather than buying a newer car). The third is to buy time, i.e., pay someone else to do something that needs to be done that you don't like to do.

For example, you hate mowing your large lawn. If you can afford to pay someone else to mow it, you can use the time you saved to do something else.

A Meaningful Life

Meaning is the second pillar of happiness. It is important for both happiness and health. "Individuals who perceive their lives as full of meaning live longer, healthier, and happier lives than those less inclined to view their lives as meaningful" (Routledge, 2021).

According to Harvard's Arthur Brooks, meaning consists of three elements: coherence, purpose, and significance (Brooks, 2026). Many people find it helpful to use a structured approach to discover the meaning of their lives. They reflect on the three elements of meaning, write down their thoughts, and think about their current and future lives (Schippers, 2019).

Here are good questions to ask yourself about each of the three elements:

Coherence refers to how the parts of your life fit together. Ask yourself, how do all the different aspects of my life fit together and define me?

Purpose refers to what you are here to do and what you are intended to be. What are your goals? What is the point of your existence?

Significance refers to why and how you matter to yourself and others. Do I make a difference in the world? If I went away, would anyone care?

There are additional ways to find the meaning of your life. Religious belief often has meaning built into it. Some people find a philosophy such as Stoicism, or learning about Buddhism, to be helpful. Mindfulness and meditation can also help.

Work (If You're a Student, School Is Your "Work.")

There are two important aspects of work that increase happiness: (1) earning your success and (2) making your work beneficial to others.

An example from school demonstrates what is meant by earning your success. Imagine two students taking a course together. One student has studied hard for her final exam and gets an A. The second student does not study for the exam but cheats and gets an A. Only one earned her success.

Thinking about your work, ask yourself, "How can my work help others?" Some work, like nursing, has an obvious way to do that. What about bricklaying?

Imagine a bricklayer planning to do such a great job laying bricks that the structure will be attractive and safe. He can understand how that benefits others.

Final Thoughts

We cannot be happy all the time. However, we can be happier if we give attention to the three pillars of happiness. Of the three, good relationships are clearly the most important.

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