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DEAR ABBY: A year ago, a supposed friend of mine asked to borrow some money. Her husband had left the country so he could renew his visa to come back and work. They have kids. The wife’s car was repossessed while he was gone, and she had no way to get to work. She borrowed $3,000 from me to get her car back. A few months later, she borrowed another $1,200. I was a fool to give it to her, but I was thinking of her kids.
Her husband did make it back, and they are both working now. I have texted her about the money she owes me, but she just ignores me. They had enough money to take the kids to Florida recently. How do I get past the sadness? I could really use the money back. Do I just try to let it go? — REGRETFUL LENDER
DEAR LENDER: You should have let it go the moment you handed the money over. When a friend asks for money, it’s rarely a loan. You should always consider it a gift — and be pleasantly surprised if they ever pay you back. Despite her inexcusable behavior, I’m sure this friend appreciates your kindness in saving her family from a distressing situation. It was a good deed, and I’m sorry you’ve been repaid with silence.
DEAR ABBY: I lost my brother last year to a brain aneurysm. We were very close, and I am still struggling with it. His birthday was this month, and I spent the day honoring him. However, other family members are telling me I should be “over it” by now. Am I wrong for still experiencing grief? I wasn’t aware there is a time limit. — PROCESSING IT IN ALASKA
DEAR PROCESSING IT: Grief isn’t something that people “get over” like a case of measles or flu. When a loved one dies, the pain of that loss can remain with us to a greater or lesser degree as we adjust to the ache we feel inside. This doesn’t happen on anyone else’s timetable. Some people find joining a grief support group helpful. Perhaps you should consider it.
DEAR ABBY: The man I thought to be the love of my life dumped me more than 10 years ago. He’s currently going through a divorce. We have been communicating for the past four years while I’ve been in a good relationship with someone. This lost love has expressed his feelings of loss, but I can’t seem to relax and express my feelings. He will soon be divorced, and I still don’t think I should give him a chance to repeat the past. Are second chances worth the risk? — STAYING IN FRIEND ZONE
DEAR STAYING: Second chances are sometimes worth the risk, but not always. In your case, if you are still “in a good relationship with someone” other than this ex, I’m not sure why you’d even consider rocking the boat. In fact, it may be best if you have as little contact with your ex as possible. He was no good for you then, and he can only cause trouble now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.