SINGAPORE: A 30-year-old man has admitted he is having second thoughts about dating a nurse, saying her demanding and unpredictable work schedule has left him wondering whether he can handle the lifestyle in the long run.
In an anonymous post shared on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, the man said he has started thinking seriously about what their future together would look like.
“What happens if we eventually get married? Kids? If she’s working nights and I’m working the next morning, how does that work?” he wondered.
“What about birthdays, weekends, CNY, Christmas? Am I going to be lonely and take care of the kids alone? I know plenty of couples make it work. I’m not saying nurses shouldn’t date or anything. I’m just starting to realise that I might not be the kind of person who can handle it. The frustrating part is she hasn’t actually done anything wrong.”
The man also shared that before dating her, he assumed nursing mainly involved “bedside care, giving medicine, monitoring patients, and assisting doctors.” While he knew it was “tiring,” he didn't realise how much it would shape their entire lifestyle.
For example, he said her hours can be quite “weird.” On several occasions, their plans were disrupted when she was recalled to the Emergency Department.
“The first time it happened, I was quite annoyed because I had already planned my day around seeing her. But she was actually very apologetic and immediately said we could reschedule and that she would make it up to me, which she did.”
“She’s not the type to cancel and not care. If anything, she probably feels more guilty about it than I do. I just couldn't accept that there are nights where she’s working and basically disappears for hours, or she’ll finish a shift and be so tired that she just wants to go home and sleep. She will apologise that an emergency (occurred) and that she couldn't give me a text. Isn't this a red flag? Sometimes she tells me about her day, and I’m thinking, how can one shift be so damn exhausting?”
With her shifts falling on nights, weekends, and public holidays, the couple often had to plan their dates around her roster. Their arrangements could also change at short notice.
When he told a few friends he was seeing a nurse, one asked, “Why a nurse? Why not find a doctor?”
“I laughed at first, but honestly that question got stuck in my head. I guess in Singapore, people do look at doctors differently. Better pay, more prestige, etc compared to nurses. I realised I probably had the same mindset without really thinking about it.”
“Like if I’m dating someone in healthcare anyway, why wouldn’t I prefer a doctor?”
Another friend joked that nurses were more likely to cheat because they spent so much time around doctors. The man admitted that the comment had got into his head, but stressed that he trusted his girlfriend and did not believe she was being unfaithful.
“I don’t actually think she’s cheating or anything,” he said. “The bigger issue is just the lifestyle.”
Unsure whether his concerns were reasonable, he asked other netizens whether he should end the relationship before things became more serious.
“Is it really wrong for me to say that I don’t think I want this lifestyle for myself and that I should just find someone else and let her go? Would appreciate hearing from nurses or people dating nurses because maybe I’m looking at this completely wrongly.”
‘Thank her and move on’
Many commenters criticised the man for wanting to end the relationship over his girlfriend's profession.
One netizen who was also a nurse said she felt sorry for the man's girlfriend and urged him to get a better understanding of what the job entailed.
“Try to go to a public hospital and do volunteer work,” she wrote. “Be in her shoes and rethink what you have posted. Nobody is perfect. My husband has been with me since day 1. I started nursing 21 years ago; there are definitely ups and downs. We also had 2 children together. Compromising is key. Unwillingness is not. All the best to you!”
Another said, “She definitely deserves a better, more understanding partner. And from what you wrote here, you really need better friends who don't 'anyhow' judge people's worth based on their occupation or repeat shallow tropes about healthcare workers.”
A third remarked, “I married a nurse, and all I can say is you are the red flag.”
Still, despite the largely critical responses he received, a few users acknowledged that his concerns about the relationship were understandable.
One told him, “You’re not wrong in determining that this lifestyle doesn’t suit you. Doctors have a rather erratic lifestyle too, if they’re in the emergency room.”
“But if you’re not ready to be the supportive partner to her, you don’t suit her as much as her lifestyle doesn’t suit yours. Take a deep breath, think hard about your commitment. If you’re not prepared to commit, tell her nicely, thank her, and move on.”/TISG