It is month-end somewhere in Outapi. You got paid, and you know exactly how the weekend will go and end, like the back of your hand: A betting spree, a few beers, a couple of girls to entertain and a bag of coins for the jukebox at Kamselle. Before midnight, your bank balance and rent money will be slimmer than the girl you have been targeting for weeks but with no money to impress. You know that you will wake up with a pounding headache and a debilitating hangover, but you continue to do so anyway, just like you did for the last eight years. It is not like you are stupid. I mean, you got three promotions in the last four years alone. With your level of intellect, there is no way you could be that ignorant. What you have is an uncomfortable situation you are not willing to face, that the awareness of your flaws will not change your struggles; only action can.
If many of us were asked about our struggles, we would name them with surgical precision. A person who changes from one abusive relationship to another can narrate their pattern with a poet’s gift. A gambler at a joint near government park knows that each dollar lost adds to next month’s troubles. A brother who lost his job due to his temper knows exactly what is likely to happen every time he goes berserk.
The writing has been on the wall all along, but the much-needed change has not. It cannot be truer that awareness is only the beginning of the journey, not a destination. However, it is so common to repeatedly assume that understanding our flaws alone is progress. We take all the time to analyse our troubles, tearfully expressing ourselves in conversations, become advice gurus and get some relief as if identifying the problem alone were the antidote.
So, why is it the case? It turns out that it goes back to the basics that these habits, as much as they have a toll on us in the long run, do provide immediate relief. The drinking sprees, the fleeting moments, and the betting all immediately soothe our trauma and stress, albeit at a cost which may only come way later.
Furthermore, living with a destructive habit for a prolonged period naturally becomes our identity. The drinking sprees on weekends become the glue of our support circle. In this case, the idea of announcing that one will stop drinking will be met with more resistance than support. In a society where we depend on the court of public opinion, we are more likely to assimilate with the crowd, even to our detriment. When society stigmatises views seeking psychosocial support as a weakness, awareness becomes an endless loop to nowhere.
Another thorn in the flesh is when we try to change ourselves without changing the environment. Like stopping drinking, yet we go back to the same circle of friends or pay-day routine. The gambler knows that every coin dropped is a loss. A survivor of an abusive relationship knows they deserve better, yet the pattern repeats itself. Yes, awareness of our flaws opens the door, but only action can walk through it. To claim ultimate victory may mean seeking help, uninstalling a betting app, saving a greater amount of our salary before a knockout from temptation, changing our circle of friends and location. So, ultimately, it is no longer about whether we are aware of our struggles but what we will do, now that we know.
*Uncommon Sense is published in the New Era with contributions from Karlos Naimwhaka. YouTube channel: Karlos Lokos. – karlsimbumusic@gmail.com
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