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Fantasies inspired by the new movie “Wicker” are coming out of the woodwork. Experts say: Don’t bark up that tree.
Since the trailer came out in July, women have been thirsting over the wicker Alexander Skarsgård — and the character’s stamina in the bedroom. Some women have even taken to the net to share some hilarious takes on their newfound fascination.
But Dr. Amy Novatt, an OB-GYN at the sexual wellness brand Dame, warns that this particularly freaky fetish should stay a daydream — because any real-life exploration could go catastrophically wrong.
The film, out October 23, tells the story of a fisherwoman (Olivia Colman) who commissions a basketmaker to make her a husband (Skarsgård) out of wicker. The wicker man ends up satisfying her in every way.
In response to that outrageous premise, women are suddenly looking at their wicker furniture in a totally different light… sometimes caressing and cuddling them, too.
One raised an eyebrow at a hand-shaped wicker basket, while others can’t keep their mind off the idea of man-shaped wicker while browsing home stores.
Even Ikea got in on the action: Saying wicker lamps, ottomans, cabinets, and headboards were made of “Husband material.”
Another quipped: “Wicker doesn’t splint when it’s wet.”
Novatt, though says that jokes aside — don’t be so sure about that.
“Wood can splinter, and plant material harbors bacteria and molds that can cause infection,” she told The Post.
“In my career, I have examined women with cuts, tears, infections and injuries from foreign objects, and I have taken some of them to the operating room. Many were simply seeking pleasure and never expected harm.”
Don’t be one of the 300,000 American adults who wind up in the emergency room every year for having a “foreign object in body.” More than half the items found lodged up there were sex toys.
The vaginal lining is “tolerant, and quick to heal” — but that doesn’t mean you should test its regenerative abilities out, Novatt said.
It plays an important role in protecting us from infections down there, but only if it maintains a delicate balance in healthy bacteria, pH, and its mucus layers. Shoving a foreign wicker body up there could mess with all of them.
“What it was not designed for is receiving trees, shrubs or other plants,” Novatt said.
Before inserting anything into the vagina, experts suggest asking: Is it smooth, unbreakable, cleanable, retrievable?
Most sex toys are designed with these features in mind. You don’t want any object to hurt, scratch, break inside, introduce harmful germs, or get lost.
Best practices include washing any toys soap and water, and sharing only clean toys between two healthy people. Harsher cleaners like antibacterial triclosan could disturb the delicate microbiome.
“Fantasy is healthy and to be encouraged,” the doc daif. “Women have always imagined an ideal partner, one who takes care of all our emotional and sexual needs. My concern begins where fantasy tempts us to act it out literally, at the expense of our health.”
Bottom line? You might be into wicker, but that doesn’t mean wicker should be in you.