Manosphere experts warn if we lecture boys 'we lose them'

• Topic:Internet Culture

Posted Thu 15 Oct 2026 at 4:54pmThu 15 Oct 2026 at 4:54pm

Genevieve Sheppard

The ideas in the manosphere are nothing new. Misogyny has been prevalent for a very long time. What’s different today is the reach and business model. Online platforms connect these groups, algorithms amplify their messages, and influencers can profit from attention and outrage.

A recurring tactic of those who promote messages on the manosphere is to take real difficulties — loneliness, financial insecurity or uncertainty about relationships — and blame women and feminism. 

That offers a simple, yet inaccurate explanation, which also reinforces male entitlement and resentment. This is a harmful message for all young people to believe and absorb.

To counter this, we need to address the challenges boys and men face while challenging the idea that women owe them sex, attention or obedience. That means well-resourced respectful relationships education in every school across Australia, supportive communities and opportunities to build belonging and connection without dominance.

Dr Zac Seidler

Watching out for this stuff early and discussing it in an open and curious way is the best solution to staying connected with someone skirting around the edges of this content, as it pulls you in very quickly if you are in a certain headspace.

Some things to look out for:

New language: Terms like "alpha", "high value", "red pill", "simp" or "the matrix", or talking about women in transactional or contemptuous ways.

One-source thinking: Constantly quoting the same few influencers, and treating them as the only people telling "the truth".

Rising grievance: A growing sense that the world is rigged against men, or that women, feminism or "the system" are to blame for how they feel.

Pulling back: Withdrawing from friends or family who disagree, or becoming dismissive and defensive when challenged (this can also be a sign of broader mental health challenges or a change in character).

Rigid self-improvement: Gym, money and discipline aren't bad things. It's a flag when they come with shame, contempt for "weak" men, or the idea that your worth depends on dominance.

Some recommendations for what to do:

Stay close! Your relationship is the best antidote, but it's key to avoid shocking or shaming them.

Get curious, not combative. What does he like about this guy? What does that video tell him about what it means to be successful and what it is giving him? Usually there's a real need underneath: loneliness, rejection, feeling lost or unseen.

Don't try to win in one conversation. You won't argue your way to victory. Be consistent and caring.

Offer an alternative. Take him out, show him the world, and help him interact with other people.

Dr Billy Garvey

This can be tough, and I fail at it too. Start with curiosity because correction often leads to conflict. "What makes you feel like that, mate?" If we lecture them, we lose them.

Separate the belief from who they are. "You've got such a big heart mate, you're better than saying those things about girls and women". We hold the line while also keeping our belief in them as good people.

Look for the underlying need. Many boys are lost and unhealthy messages hook them with the promise of confidence, power and success. Once we understand that, we can offer better pathways for them to meet these needs, and help them see those voices are chasing their own money, status and control.

We can also share our own story, the traps we've fallen into, the hurt we've experienced and caused, and most importantly how we repaired and found a better way ourselves.

Dr Billy Garvey

These conversations can be scary but they are already happening for our kids without us there to guide them. Our best chance is to start with low pressure, when our kids feel safe, like during a walk around the block with just us or while playing together with no-one else around.

We know body language, tone of voice and lack of judgement are just as important as what we actually say, if not more. Getting down to their eye level, sitting side by side facing the same direction, and keeping the conversation slow and casual helps. We also want to explore their experiences. "What do you think boys are like? What about girls?" is a gentle way to understand their beliefs without pressure or shame.

We can also go first as a way for them to be safe too. "When I'm scared, sometimes I get angry. It doesn't help much so I try to work on asking others for help instead." It's also important this never feels like a single conversation we need to deliver perfectly. The most important part is that over time our children feel more safe to come to us for support in understanding their world.

Dr Zac Seidler

Honestly, I don't think it's either/or yet. It's going to take time to understand how the moment we are in potentially differs from the gender reckonings that have come before, but it would be remiss of me not to say that this is in no way a 'passing wave', given the volume and ferocity of online misogyny fuelled by tech platforms. The underpinning themes have not changed, their reach has.

What I see clinically is that the content itself is a symptom. Our research at Movember has told us that young men aren't drawn in by misogyny. They're drawn in by someone finally speaking to their loneliness, their sense of purpose and their worries about the future. The misogyny comes bundled with that, and therefore can probably be purposefully decoupled.

Dr Zac Seidler

Many young men are lonely, often more than they'd admit, and these spaces offer an instant sense of brotherhood. You're part of something, you share a language and someone's on your side.

Then there's direction. Plenty of boys feel lost about who they're meant to be and where their life is heading. The manosphere gives them a clear script: Here's what a man is, here are the rules, here's the plan. When everything feels uncertain, that clarity is very attractive.

Respect and status matter too. Young men want to feel they count and that people see them as capable. When that isn't happening at school, at work or in relationships, someone promising to make them "high value" is hard to ignore.

Underneath many of these is a need to make sense of pain. Rejection, failure, anxiety and feeling invisible all hurt, and most boys haven't been given the words or the space to talk about that. These spaces give them an explanation and often someone to blame. That can feel better than sitting with the hurt.

None of these needs are the problem. They're completely normal, healthy human needs. The problem is that the manosphere offers a distorted way of meeting them. If we want boys to walk away, we have to offer them real belonging, purpose and respect in their everyday lives.