When I began teaching a course on family business at Harvard Business School a decade ago, I expected students to worry about topics like succession planning and ownership structures. Instead, when I teach this course each fall, the topic that generates the most anxiety is a surprising one: prenuptial agreements.
In retrospect, I shouldn’t have been surprised. My MBA students are mostly in their 20s and early 30s. Many are already in serious relationships, and as graduation approaches, engagements are common. Although prenups were once rare—only about 3 percent of engaged couples in 2010 had one in place—they are growing more common. In a 2026 Harris Poll, 53 percent of married or engaged Millennial and Gen Z couples said they’d signed one. Prenups were once considered a tool primarily for the wealthy, but lawyers say more middle-class people are putting them in place to reduce acrimony and conflict if the marriage ends in divorce.
In my class on family enterprises, many of the students will someday inherit companies started by their parents or grandparents. This is a scenario that makes a prenuptial agreement essential: Without one, divorce can imperil control of a family business.
My students aren’t debating whether prenups are a good idea. Instead, they’re freaked out about how to initiate a conversation with the person they love that leads to actually signing one.
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I understand their reluctance. Even as prenups become more widely accepted, asking a partner to sign one can signal distrust and contingency planning. Especially if the partners come from unequal wealth, simply raising the subject may be misheard as “My family thinks you’re a gold-digger.” Again and again, I see smart, emotionally mature people postpone this talk because they fear it will signal ambivalence or a lack of commitment.
After counseling dozens of MBA students on how to initiate this conversation, I’ve developed a clear set of advice. The goal isn’t to persuade your partner that a prenup is a good idea. It’s to convey the necessity in a way that doesn’t feel like a judgment about your partner or a prediction about your marriage. Here’s are the tips and scripts I give my students—and some bonus advice for parents:
- Make clear the family’s need for a prenup has nothing to do with the person you’re marrying. Say it this way: “This is my family’s policy—I’ve always known my partner and I would need to sign one, no matter who I married, if I wanted to share in my family’s inheritance.” If siblings or cousins had to sign one when they married, point that out.
- Emphasize that the prenup is only about the assets you’ll inherit. “This isn’t about what we create together—what we earn from our careers, a business we start, or anything we buy when we’re married. This is only about protecting the assets my parents are leaving to me.”
- Inform your partner to hire an independent lawyer to review the document. This isn’t optional. Because your family is requiring the prenup, they should insist on paying for your fiance’s attorney. “You should interview at least two lawyers before you choose, and if you need names, I can help you.”
- Don’t let uncertainties about enforceability get you sidetracked. It’s true that prenups have varying degrees of legal standing in different countries, and that some lawyers prefer using complex trusts instead of prenups to protect assets. I tell my students that no matter where they’ll live after marrying, having a prenup makes sense because it signals intention and helps everyone communicate clearly about the goal of keeping family assets intact even if a marriage dissolves.
- Start early. This is the big one. If the wedding is in two weeks and the prenup isn’t signed, it’s a recipe for stress and conflict. Among my former students, I’ve seen at least two weddings called off due to disputes over prenups. Starting early can’t eliminate this risk, but it removes the ticking clock that can make the process even more fraught.
For parents, I offer two pieces of advice.
- First, create a policy before it’s personal. Start conversations about this topic really early, long before your child is in a relationship that may lead to marriage. I have three children in their 20s, and I began talking with them about our family policy on prenups when they were young teenagers. Starting early normalizes the expectation and reinforces that the need for a prenup has nothing to do with their choice of partner. If the first time you’re having this conversation is after your child is engaged, you’ve put everyone in a difficult position.
- Second, avoid any direct conversations with your child’s partner about the prenup. Let your child handle all communication on this issue. The most horrific prenup blowup I’ve witnessed involved a former student whose parents owned a large European shipping company. Instead of asking their son to approach his fiancé about a prenup, the parents began the conversation with her directly—without telling their son. His fiancé felt so bullied and disrespected that she called off the wedding, which led to years of family estrangement.
Most of the time, these stories have happier endings. A few weeks ago I received a heartwarming email from a former student. From the beginning of their relationship, she’d been open with her boyfriend that her family was wealthy, that as their only child she’d be inheriting significant assets, and her family had decided years earlier that no matter whom she married, she and her partner would need to sign a prenup.