On Celebrity Traitors, James Acaster has made a name for himself as one of the most reluctant Traitors to ever play the game, vowing he’s going to just act like a Faithful.
But almost a decade ago, he created one of the best moments on British TV (in my humble opinion) when he told his famous cabbage story, which seemed too ridiculous to be true.
In 2017, the comedian appeared on Would I Lie To You?, the BBC gameshow where panelists have to tell elaborate stories, with a 50-50 chance that they’re true or a lie.
There are different rounds, including one where a mystery person comes out, and all three players on one team claim that they have a personal connection with the person in question.
During James’ episode, the mystery guest was a young boy called Mick, who James, Gabby Logan and Lee Mack all claimed to know.
Gabby alleged that she tripped Mick during a wheelbarrow race at her son’s school sports day, Lee said that he once accidentally took Mick home from nursery instead of his own child… but James tale was the real humdinger.
‘This is Mick, and for six months, he was my sworn enemy when a practical joke got out of hand,’ James said in his introduction while Mick stood still, unable to talk until the end of the round when he’d reveal his true identity.
As he began to tell the full story, the comic stated: ‘First of all, I’ll say for the record before we carry on, I hate this boy, I have nothing but contempt for him and I’m furious that he’s got on this show.’
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James pointed fixedly at Mick, who couldn’t stifle his laughter.
When asked what the practical joke was, James revealed: ‘He put cabbage leaves in my bed.’
As the audience cackled with laughter, the other panelists looked perplexed, as the comedian explained that he’d been staying at Mick’s house as he’s friends with his dad.
‘Why did he put cabbage leaves? Why is that a thing?’ asked the opposing team captain David Mitchell.
‘Oh it’s not a thing until he started doing it. There’s something severely wrong with him. I don’t know why he started pulling this kind of stuff,’ James responded.
‘This is the first of many David. I say got out of hand. I do not use those words lightly.’
The extent of Mick’s devilish prank subsequently emerged, as it went far beyond simply putting a cabbage in James’ bed on one occasion.
‘This little man does not restrict these pranks to his own house. He has no respect for anyone’s privacy and will cross any boundaries available to him. I hate him with all my heart,’ the comedian declared, as Mick continued to chuckle mischievously.
Next, Mick sent James half a cabbage in the post, which had been wrapped in cling film.
The real twist of the knife is that James wasn’t home when it was delivered, so he had to go and pick it up from the post office, also collecting the accompanying note which read: ‘You got cabbaged again.’
And Mick also enlisted accomplices, getting his grandfather to ‘cabbage’ James to his face.
‘He gave me a present, it was all wrapped up nice, I thought it was a nice present. I unwrapped it, it was another half a cabbage wrapped in cling film,’ the comedian recalled.
‘Members of the public started cabbaging me. I made the mistake of talking about it on the radio, and then everyone got the idea, and then I couldn’t turn up to a gig without there being a cabbage hidden somewhere in my dressing room.’
It even got to the point where someone had made a Twitter account, tweeting James every day with pictures of cabbages. Six months of this onslaught of cabbage torture before the comedian was able to exact his revenge.
‘I removed all of his belongings from his bedroom and replaced them with cabbages,’ James revealed, which David believed was a ‘disproportionate response’.
On this matter, we have to disagree, David.
After David guessed that James was the person telling the truth about his connection to Mick, the time came for the mystery guest to reveal his true identity.
‘I’m Mick, and I am James’ worst enemy,’ he announced, as the audience clapped and laughed over the hilarious revelation.
James, gracious in his feud with his foe, smirked, stood up and shook the boy’s hand.
Host Rob Brydon then showed a picture of how James exacted his revenge on Mick by replacing the objects in his bedroom with cabbages.
Reacting to the iconic Would I Lie To You? clip on YouTube, several fans highlighted how much James clearly admires Mick and wanted to make this moment as fun as possible for him.
‘I think a lot of people miss the real beauty of this. Look at the way James interacts with Mick and Mick’s response. He pretends to hate him and it’s obvious he actually really likes him,’ Thomas wrote.
‘I’d be willing to bet that, at this point in his life, this day was the best day of Mick’s life. This was James’ gift to him. Such a nice thing to do.’
‘James: I hate this boy! Also James: would clearly take a bullet for same boy,’ Hayden added.
Sandy said that as soon as James said ‘I hate this boy’, she knew that the story was going to be ‘wild’.
‘Only James Acaster could have a true story involving a kid being his super nemesis that torments him with cabbage,’ josemaria8177 also remarked.
Would I Lie To You? is available to stream on BBC iPlayer.