Commentary: Do parents project PSLE stress to their kids?

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SINGAPORE: When children hit the age of 12, some Singaporean parents are ready to take on the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) even decades after they left their primary schools.

We can tell when the parents among us have children sitting for PSLE. Their annual leave is all saved and reserved for September. Some even take sabbaticals from work or say no to new projects and roles.

On the surface, these sacrifices appear commendable. But at what cost? 

Parents unwittingly lay more stress on their children when they make such monumental sacrifices for their PSLE journey. “I have taken a year off from work for you, you better do well for your PSLE!” “We didn’t go for any family holiday this year, you better appreciate it by doing well!” 

Suddenly a 12-year-old is now not merely sitting for an examination. He is apparently responsible for Mummy’s career progression or Daddy’s leisure and wellness. 

We frequently talk about the stress children experience from PSLE. According to a recently published study by the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS), around two-thirds of parents surveyed agreed that the education system caused unnecessary stress to their children. But whose stress is this, anyway? 

HEIRS TO STRESS

In the IPS study, the proportion of parents who felt stressed about their children’s education increased from 73.1 per cent in 2016 to 87.9 per cent in 2026. And those who argued with their spouse over their children's education jumped from 42.8 per cent to 59.7 per cent over the same period.

Guess who has to bear the brunt of this pressure, on top of sitting for a milestone examination?

In a CNA exercise involving 20 Primary 5 and 6 pupils, parents emerged as their biggest source of stress. Some children described worrying about disappointing parents because of the money spent on tuition, being compared with friends, or internalising parental messages connecting good schools with future success.

One 11-year-old explained that a good secondary school would help him further in life. Asked where that idea came from, he answered simply: “My parents.”

Children learn not merely from what we tell them but what we react to. We may tell our kids,  “Your marks don't define you.” Then ask after they walk through the door, “How well are you going to do on that paper?”

We insist, “Don't compare yourself with other people.” Then WhatsApp another parent: “How much did Sarah get?”

Children are extraordinarily good at detecting the difference between our values and actions.

TOO LONG A VIEW?

So, is the problem really with the PSLE examination? The IPS study found that most parents support PSLE, with 85.9 per cent of respondents indicating that it is a useful checkpoint for children. A similar percentage of parents felt that the PSLE is necessary to assess students fairly. 

On the one hand, parents recognise the usefulness and relevance of PSLE, but on the other hand, they are getting more stressed by it. What exactly are parents anxious about?

The IPS study found that parents are less stressed about homework and preparing children for examinations. Instead, they increasingly worry that their child is not achieving the grades he or she is capable of, is falling behind or might lose out in the education system in the longer run.

That last phrase is revealing. A 12-year-old experiences PSLE as something happening this year. A parent sees it as a consequential event in a 15-year chain.

PSLE results determine which secondary school their kids go to, which influences which junior college or polytechnic they are admitted to and whether it can lead to a good degree and a respectable career. 

Our children see an exam paper while we, as parents, see their entire lives flashing before our eyes. And then we wonder why everybody is anxious. 

A HOLISTIC ARMS RACE

The IPS study tells us that there is light at the end of the PSLE tunnel. Parents increasingly value their children’s holistic development. They see character, self-discipline and other developmental outcomes as important goals of primary education.

But will the stress from an educational arms race just dissipate or will it diversify? The data offers a warning. 

Average monthly tuition expenditure has risen from an inflation-adjusted S$386 in 2016 to S$677 in 2026. Average enrichment expenditure has more than doubled from an inflation-adjusted S$152 to S$355.

Nearly nine in 10 parents believe children spend too much time on tuition and enrichment. Yet 70.2 per cent say they would spend even more on tuition and enrichment if they had the resources.

That contradiction is striking. Collectively we think children are doing too much. Individually we worry that ours might not be doing enough.

The risk is that we simply expand the parental scorecard. Not too long ago, success meant, “What did you get for Maths?” Going forward, it could be “What did you get for Maths, what instrument do you play, are you in student leadership, do you volunteer and have you started coding?”

A PSLE PRISONERS’ DILEMMA

We should be careful not to turn every childhood interest into a credential. Sometimes a child should be allowed to play badminton because he likes badminton and not because his parent has identified a strategic Direct School Admission (DSA) pathway.

It is a tricky dilemma, though. If everyone else is running and I tell my child to walk, am I being enlightened or irresponsible? 

Parents might prefer a less competitive environment, but nobody wants their own child to be the first to test it. This is why simply telling parents to “relax” will not work.

Singapore has created more pathways for children of all abilities to succeed. But parents still worry that missing a school, programme or opportunity puts their child at a lasting disadvantage. Perhaps the challenge is not just about creating credible pathways, but convincing parents to let their children take them.

Malminderjit Singh is Founder and Managing Director of Terra Corporate Affairs and a parent of three children.