Several citizens of Afghanistan say poverty, unemployment, and rising prices have made providing a dowry one of the main challenges families face when arranging a marriage. They say the dowry custom, which was once carried out with simpler means, has in some families become costly because of rivalry over status, putting heavy financial pressure on households. They add that in some cases, a bride without a dowry can be blamed by her husband’s family. These citizens are calling for less competition over status and for simpler marriage customs.
Shamsia, a resident of Ghazni who has been engaged for four years, says the dowry demands from the groom’s family and rising prices have made it hard for her to prepare the household items needed. She adds that to complete her dowry, she has had to buy some items on loan and in installments, and to sew and knit others herself. According to Shamsia, her wedding has been postponed several times because she has been unable to provide everything.
The woman says: “I bought the essential items first, and we postponed the wedding several times to complete the dowry. At a time when the price of everything has gone up, the dowry is an extra burden on the bride’s father. If we do not bring a dowry, people say, ‘What is wrong with their daughter that she has not been given one?’ For this reason, we are forced to borrow money and gather the items. We bought some things in installments and gave up on buying others. I knitted and sewed most of my items myself to reduce costs, but even so, I could not complete everything.”
Shazia, a resident of Kabul, says she works continuously at a tailoring workshop to complete her dowry. She adds that, alongside the dowry, the groom’s family has also asked her father’s family to provide gold. According to Shazia, these demands put more pressure on the bride’s family and make it harder to provide what is needed for the marriage. She urges families to refrain from rivalry over status in preparing dowries and requesting gold, and, taking the economic situation into account, not to burden young people and their families with the costs of marriage.
Shazia says: “Families should stop competing over dowries, and instead of imposing high costs on the bride’s family, they should let young people begin their shared life with simple means. The dowry and gold should not become a condition for marriage.”
Sara, another resident of Ghazni, says fear of being judged by people has increased the pressure on families to prepare a dowry. According to her, some families worry that a small dowry for their daughter will bring blame from people and from the groom’s family. She adds that for this reason, a number of families are forced to borrow money and buy items in installments to prepare a dowry.
The girl says: “Fear of people’s judgment has put families under pressure to prepare a dowry. Some families worry that if their daughter’s dowry is small, people or the groom’s family will blame them. For this reason, some families even borrow money or buy household items in installments to stay safe from people’s gossip.”
Shagufa, an elderly woman, says that many families, unable to provide a dowry, collect a bride price (tuyana) from the groom’s family and spend it on buying the items the bride needs. According to her, some families will not agree to their daughter’s marriage if the groom’s family does not agree to pay the bride price. She adds that this custom increases the financial pressure on grooms’ families and makes it harder for young people to begin their shared life.
Shagufa says: “Among us, the custom is that when the boy’s family comes to ask for the girl’s hand, the girl’s family gives them a list of the household items needed. If the boy’s family agrees to buy these items, they give their daughter. If they do not agree, they say, ‘Go, may God protect you.’ Among us, fathers usually do not buy the household items directly. Instead, they take money and gold, and with that they provide everything the bride needs, and they do not spend it on themselves. When they engaged me, they put two thousand dollars in my share, and we did not receive any more money. I bought all the household items myself. I even used the money that people had given as wedding gifts to buy a car for my father-in-law’s house.”
A dowry refers to the set of household items and goods that the bride’s family prepares for their daughter to begin her shared life. These items usually include kitchen utensils, bedding, carpets, and electrical appliances. However, the type and amount of the dowry differ among families and regions of Afghanistan.
In Afghanistan, providing a dowry and receiving a bride price are common customs in some families at the time of marriage. In some cases, families who are financially unable to provide a dowry turn to receiving a bride price from the groom’s family. However, rising prices and rivalry over the amount of the bride price and dowry items have increased marriage costs and, in some cases, made the marriage process difficult.
You can read the Persian version of this report here:
جهیزیه دختران؛ سنتی که بار سنگینی بر دوش خانوادهها گذاشته است
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