Should You Stay With an Unfaithful Partner?

As many couples have found out the hard way, one of the biggest challenges in committed relationships is romantic betrayal. In the midst of emotional pain, one of the next questions is some version of: Where do we go from here? Research provides some factors to consider.

Kathleen Nickerson et al. (2026) investigated the motivation of partners to preserve their relationships after the discovery of an affair.[1] Recognizing infidelity as devastating within a romantic relationship, they acknowledge that many couples decide to reconcile in the aftermath. They studied this choice within a sample of partners, 1151 who had an affair and 2278 who had suffered the betrayal of a partner’s affair. The individuals were recruited through three mental health online sites enabling post-infidelity recovery and reconciliation.

Analyzing the data, Nickerson et al. found the strongest predictors of relationship preservation were love for the straying partner and the status of the relationship—whether it was formalized as engagement, marriage, or a long-term relationship—for partners who had been betrayed. Regarding the ways in which relationships were preserved, they found a variety of pathways, some short and direct, others long and complicated. They concluded that among people who seek out social media information about recovery and reconciliation post-affair, relationship preservation is both likely and predictable.

How a Straying Partner Can Facilitate Relationship Repair

Regarding circumstances that make it more likely that a couple stays together, Nickerson et al. found that sincere apologies and consistent action from a straying partner were essential to restore lost trust. They note that sincere apologies can also waylay a betrayed partner’s desire to end the relationship, as well as facilitate forgiveness. Apologies also reduce insecurity and increase emotional positivity within the relationship. Interestingly, Nickerson et al. also found that betrayed partners who were to develop empathy for the straying partner could decrease negative arousal and build more positive feelings toward their partner, increasing the chance of reconciliation.

Nickerson et al. also list other factors that can enable reconciliation. These include answering questions, providing reassurance, showing affection, and ending contact with the extra-relational partner—something most people, as a practical matter, may value as corroboration that the affair is over. Regarding which partner carries the responsibility of promoting reconciliation, Nickerson et al. identify the straying partner as the one who carries the load of relational repair.

Other Factors Impacting Reconciliation

In their study, Nickerson et al. found that participants over 60 were most likely to restore their relationships. They believe this group likely values the security and stability of their current relationship, including shared resources, social groups, and support networks. They also note that older people have more life experience, including understanding that everyone makes mistakes.

But infidelity is often viewed as more than a simple mistake. Especially with affairs, as opposed to one-night stands, sustained betrayal involves intentional decision-making. Under these circumstances, another finding by Nickerson et al. is relevant: Straying partners “coming clean” and betrayed partners receiving answers to questions were viewed as foundational to reconciliation, providing a way to rebuild trust, and repair the relationship.

In the final analysis, there is no ideal path from betrayal to reconciliation. Yet understanding the reasons for straying and the dynamics of post-affair behavior, including complete honesty and authentic regret and remorse, allows partners to contemplate the important decision about whether to move forward.

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