There's always a nervousness when signing up for a new dating site. If you're not that tech-savvy, it can be a daunting thing to do. Especially on a site such as AdultFriendFinder, which has been around for so long (it's one of the true OGs of online dating). The site comes across as dated and counterintuitive, with a myriad of menus and submenus to navigate. It's easy to assume it's unsafe or just too difficult to use. But trust us when we say it's worth the effort due to its sizable community of singles and non-monogamous users looking for steamy fun.
Making the most of AFF means a certain amount of trial and error, or at least some guidance from someone with an intimate knowledge of the spicy hookup platform.
We've come to the rescue by outlining four essential tips to get you started on AFF and help you connect with like-minded people for kink-based fun.
We also recommend keeping an open mind when delving into AFF. If you charge in with a narrow idea of what it is you want, you'll almost certainly be disappointed. But if you start searching AFF with an open-minded curiosity and let yourself just go along for the ride, you might even discover new things about yourself — and find never-before-explored pleasure points — while you have some fun.
Here are four essential steps for getting the most out of your AdultFriendFinder experience:
Fill out your full AFF profile
Sure, this is a given on any online dating service, but it’s particularly important on AFF because the site doesn’t rely on the carousel-style, swipe-left formula of dating profiles that you get on other apps. With AFF, you specify everything from your age and gender to your sexuality and personal kinks. All of this makes it easier for potential connections to find you in their searches. In other words, the more you fill out, the easier it is for someone else to find you; the less you fill out, the harder it is.
We recommend doing this even if your personal kink list is fairly conventional, and even more so if it leans towards the exotic. Trust us when we say there are people out there looking for the very same experience, so it's worth taking the time to be specific and detailed. It will pay off in the end.
Also, don’t sleep on the importance of videos. Unlike many dating sites that only have profile pictures, AFF allows you to upload short videos to your profile. It's a super helpful way of showing other users that you’re an actual human being — as opposed to a bot, of which you'll find many on AFF — and it helps you show off a little personality in the process. Just be wary of posting nude content upfront in your profile. It's perfectly within the rules of AFF — the site's culture encourages it, in fact — but putting that kind of content online carries privacy risks.
Verify your AFF account as soon as possible
AdultFriendFinder throws up very few barriers when you're creating your account. That makes it very easy for anyone to join, but it also means there is a huge amount of spam and bots clogging up the platform. To combat this, they’ve also created a profile verification system using the Confirm ID service.
It requires you to share your government ID for cast-iron verification, but the benefits to your profile will give you major peace of mind. It means photo authentication, age confirmation, and location verification, all of which help others trust that your profile is authentic. When the process is complete, you'll see a blue checkmark beneath your profile photo, just to the right of your username, which helps people identify your profile at a glance and boosts your visibility in search results, as search results prioritize verified users.
Be selective with your search criteria
If you use the site’s search function, you’ll find that you can be extremely specific and selective. And if you know exactly who and what you want, by all means, narrow your search, but if you’re on AFF to be surprised, it’s also worth being less selective from time to time.
For example, if you know you want an in-person date for next week, it obviously makes sense to narrow your location search to people who live near you. But what if you don’t know exactly what you want, or if you’re open to a sultry chat with a stranger half a world away? In that case, distance is irrelevant, and you should consider turning that filter off.
On the other hand, there are quite a few filters that are turned off by default that we actually recommend you turn on. For example, the default profile filter shows you all people who have bothered to upload photos, but while that’s a good start, it’s not enough to help you wade through the huge number of users. We strongly recommend narrowing it down to Verified/Confirmed users, since those people all proved their identity the same way you did (see above). That way, you can trust that your search results and potential connections are 100 percent legit. It's another means of filtering out the spam.
Another useful filter is the Last Visit, which by default is set to "All." We recommend specifying accounts that have been active within the last month. That's because lots of people sign up to AFF then never bother checking back in. Other users go inactive for weeks or even months at a time. If you stick with the default "All" setting, you risk messaging accounts that you might never get a reply from.
Explore the live-chat communities
AdultFriendFinder isn’t a traditional dating website, so don't use it like one. The search-and-swipe dating app method is tried and true, but it’s also a bit played out, and one of AFF’s biggest strengths is its larger community offerings. There's more to it than swiping — or should we say swinging? — left or right.
There are lots of forums to explore, all based around common interests (though you should know that some of these interests — or kinks — are not so common), or you can venture into a user’s livestream and interact with them and others there. AFF even has a dedicated Stories section, where users can share their memories or try their hand at writing erotica. That's all well and good for anyone with a knack for the written word, but if you're more visual, you can set up a webcam stream and invite others to tune in.
For all of the above, AFF tracks not only which stories/streams/group chats are new but also which are trending, making it very easy to jump into a popular discussion or keep up with the latest site news.
Upgrade your AFF membership tier
As with other dating sites and apps, you only get the most out of AFF when you sign up for a paid membership. It is entirely possible to use AFF and interact without handing over your credit card information, but the site’s best features and functions are paywalled. And it has to be said that the advantages — visibility, communication options, and site functionality are all just too good to ignore.
Gold and VIP members receive special icons on their profiles, and these profiles are given priority in every search, regardless of the criteria. Because there are thousands of potential profile options for almost every search criterion that isn’t location-based, it’s very difficult to stand out from the crowd on AFF as a free user.
Additionally, if you fork out for the upgraded VIP membership, you’ll unlock an entire section dedicated exclusively to VIPs. It's the dating site equivalent of entering the velvet-roped area of a night club; you'll find the most glamorous people hiding there. VIP members even get additional points to spend on digital gifts or lavish on live streamers who catch your eye. This is another great way of standing out from the crowd.
The learning curve on AdultFriendFinder is steeper than most other dating sites, and much steeper than most dating apps, but if you follow the above tips and you're willing to experiment, you’ll encounter more than a few fun and sexy surprises along the way.