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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I have a daughter, “Maggie,” who is in the third grade. I was just contacted by her school, informing me that she’s gotten an in-school three-day suspension for “threatening the school.” This is incredibly unlike her, so I was absolutely stunned, and when I asked what happened, this is what I got.
She’s in an art class. They had an assignment to draw somewhere in the school. Her friend was doing the cafeteria, which she also wanted to do, but she didn’t want to do the same thing as her friend. So she thought of some horror movies since it’s near Halloween season, and went for an “otherworld” cafeteria. A zombie behind the counter, blood on the walls, eyes peeking out in the shadows underneath the benches. Nobody specific is named or depicted beyond the zombie in the photo of her picture they sent me.
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I can appeal it, but the first available appointment to do so is after the suspension ends, and I just know they’re going to say it’s already over, so what’s the big deal? This really rubs me the wrong way, and I’m not sure what I should be doing about it going forward. Can you offer any advice?
—Bureaucratic Stupidity (she/her)
Dear Bureaucratic Stupidity,
I understand why you’re upset—your daughter had innocent intentions, and she was still punished. But the grave and sad reality is that in today’s world, where even young kids have exhibited displays of violence and can be dangerous, it’s important for schools to be extra cautious. There have been students as young as 6 years old who have been the source of school shootings; it’s essential that schools treat every potential sign of danger as seriously as it could be.
Take this time to talk with your daughter, in an age-appropriate way, about how the school didn’t think her art reflected make-believe and how the assignment wasn’t a Halloween one. Discuss with her when and where the gory pretend stuff would have been better created: at home, during a Halloween assignment, or at a Halloween party. Let her know that if she sees another friend making art—or making comments—that make her uncomfortable, to tell a trusted adult.
We shouldn’t have to have these talks or considerations with our children. But that’s the unfortunate reality we currently live in. To try to keep our schools safe, it requires us all to consider everything, even an art project, more critically.
—Arionne
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