Miranda Hart summed up our reaction to her murder on The Celebrity Traitors perfectly: 'oh, bottoms'. We shall mourn this loss dearly – not only because she was one of the few faithful with decent detective skills (there's a reason we've referred to her as Miranda Marple), but because she's been so delightful to watch, whether she's doing the Touch choreography with Leigh-Anne Pinnock or throwing up in an old toilet.
But now we must prepare ourselves for the next loss. Because while tonight's episode ended on a cliffhanger of who would be banished, Sharon Rooney or Joanne McNally (we reckon Sharon's a goner), we think the next murder is going to be easy to predict.
It's going to be Sebastian 'Bash' Croft getting offed in the next episode, mark our words.
The main reason for this being the obvious choice? It's a throwback to 'the crypt theory'.
Cast your mind back a few episodes, when Rob Beckett was murdered face-to-face by the traitors. The setup required four people to be placed into crypts where they would await a deadly knock on the door from the traitors. Those four were Ross Kemp, Leigh-Anne, Romesh Ranganathan, and Rob. Rob was killed, then shortly afterwards Ross was murdered in plain sight with a yawn-related method that had us on the edge of our seats.
This means the two remaining from 'the crypt four' are Romesh and Leigh-Anne. Now, here's where this could spell trouble for them. The faithful have repeatedly asserted that surely the traitors wouldn't have left the crypt killing entirely to chance, and that at least one of the four would have been traitors. With the murders of Rob and Ross, there are just two of the four left for this specific suspicion to land on.
Now, if the traitorous trio of Maya Jama, King Kenny, and James Acaster are smart (and we think they are), they'll be conscious of how the crypt theory keeps coming back up. They'll have noticed that Leigh-Anne has had plenty of heat on her, and that they should keep her in to keep drawing suspicion away from them. They should do the same with Romesh – avoid killing him to allow the crypt theory to remain in the game.
The other players remaining after the round table all have similar reasons for the traitors to keep them in play.
James Blunt is, we've established, a truly terrible faithful. He trusts Kenny completely and has also declared that there's no way Maya or James Acaster are traitors. He was the reason all three traitors were the only ones with a chance of getting the dagger that granted them a double vote. James Blunt also has a decent amount of sway at the round table, having convinced multiple banishment rounds with his theories... which have all been incorrect. He's an unbelievably useful tool for the traitors to keep around.
Michael Sheen, too, seems convinced that Maya, James A, and Kenny are faithful. He's now drawing suspicion because, as Romesh keeps asking, 'why has Michael not been murdered?'. His smarts are making the players question why he wouldn't have been murdered, leading them to jump to the conclusion that Michael must be a recruited traitor. It's advantageous to the traitors to keep him in play, too, as bait.
Whether Joanne or Sharon end up getting banished by Kenny's double vote, the remaining one is already considered suspicious enough to land sufficient votes for a tie. It's only natural that if Joanne is banished and revealed as a faithful, the faithful will buy into the 50/50 fallacy and vote Sharon out next time. Or vice versa.
That leaves poor, sweet Bash as the ideal victim for murder. The traitors have repeatedly chosen victims that will confuse people. They have a preference for murder choices that don't clearly point to one person but instead spread a sense of chaos and confusion. Sebastian fits the bill perfectly. His murder wouldn't point to any one person. It would also give Kenny the excellent opportunity to perform absolute astonishment at Bash not being a traitor, further cementing his reputation as a traitor.
In short, farewell, Sebastian. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Especially when it means we won't get to see the rest of your superb cardigan selection.