They may be a joyous occasion for some, but for others an extended family gathering can be filled with awkward reunions and tense high-stakes conversations.
From whether you should bring a gift to what time to arrive, there are a whole host of unspoken rules at family gatherings that, if ignored, can soon breed resentment.
Now, even children's etiquette is coming under scrutiny, after a social media video from a government-funded Irish advert sparked outrage by suggesting that grandparents should have to ask for consent before hugging their grandchildren.
The clip from the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC), funded by Ireland's Justice Department, made the 'demeaning' suggestion and sparked immediate outrage - with Justice Minister Jim O'Callaghan ordering the DRCC to take it down.
But with family-centred events such as Christmas and New Year on the horizon, how can you avoid accidentally breaching the etiquette rules of a family gathering?
According to Julius F. Smith, Former Royal Butler and Founder of Regal Afternoon Tea, family gatherings can often be 'rather tricky' and present numerous opportunities for fatal errors.
'The recent controversy surrounding an Irish advert about grandparents asking permission before hugging their grandchildren shows how even the simplest family interactions can become a subject of debate,' he told the Daily Mail.
'I have always believed that good manners are particularly important within families. We should show our relatives the same courtesy we would extend to anybody else, and a little consideration can prevent an awful lot of unnecessary unpleasantness.'
Read on to discover the ultimate rules to avoid breaching at a family gathering, and how to make sure you don't get blacklisted from future guest lists...
Children's etiquette with their family members is under scrutiny after a social media video from a government-funded Irish advert sparked outrage by suggesting that grandparents should have to ask for consent before hugging their grandchildren
DON'T: Arrive late - or too early
Laura Windsor, Queen of Etiquette: Being late is bad etiquette. It shows a lack of consideration for your host and the effort they have put into organising the gathering.
Of course, there is a window of time within which you can arrive, but if you go beyond that window, you should let your host know exactly when you’re going to arrive.
If you ring up and say you’re going to be five minutes late, but instead you’re going to be 20 minutes late, that doesn’t give your host the opportunity to decide for herself what she’s going to do about dinner.
If she knows exactly when you’re going to arrive, she can then decide whether to serve dinner to her other guests or wait for you. And that is simply a matter of consideration.
However, arriving too early can be just as inconsiderate. If you’re invited for 7pm, aim to arrive between 7.05pm and 7.15pm. Your host may still be making last-minute preparations, adding finishing touches or getting everything ready before the guests arrive. Turning up early can interrupt those final details.
DON'T: Overstay your welcome
Laura: Knowing how not to outstay your welcome is an important part of etiquette.
Pay attention to your host and the hints they may be giving you. Perhaps they mention that they have a busy day tomorrow or that it’s a school night and they have to get up early.
Be attentive to what they’re saying. Also, look at what the other family members are doing. Are people beginning to get ready to leave? That may be your cue to leave, too. Be aware of the signals your host is giving you, even if they aren’t explicitly telling you it’s time to go.
Julius: Any good guest knows when it is time to go, which can be trickier with family. Watch for the signs: the host stifling a yawn, the dishwasher humming, the coats quietly migrating towards the door.
Try not to be the last one standing. After all, you get to do it all over again at the next family gathering.
DON'T: Deliberately bring up controversial topics
Laura: Avoid bringing up politics, religion or other contentious subjects that could open a whole can of worms and create an uncomfortable atmosphere.
Instead, keep topics general so that everyone can participate in and enjoy discussing. Even sport can become contentious as people can have such strong beliefs and loyalties!
The purpose of a family gathering is to enjoy one another’s company, not to turn the dinner table into a battleground of opinions.
Julius: Many families have skeletons in their closets, and that is exactly where they belong. Politics, religion and money are best avoided if they are likely to cause an argument.
Keep the conversation light and breezy. Everybody is there to enjoy themselves, not to score points, and children should never be used as ammunition in adult disagreements.
DON'T: Bring an unexpected plus-one or hog the buffet
Laura: Never turn up with an extra guest without asking your host first.
Your host may have carefully planned the seating arrangements, and introducing an unexpected person can upset the table settings and the dynamics of the conversation.
They may also have considered where to seat particular guests to ensure everyone gets along and that the conversation flows well.
There may not even be enough food for an extra person. And because we are polite, we wouldn’t want to make an unexpected guest feel uncomfortable by getting angry or annoyed.
So, always ask your host beforehand if you’d like to bring someone. Never assume it’s acceptable.
Julius: A family gathering isn't an all-you-can-eat restaurant, so don't pile your plate so high that there's nothing left for anybody else.
Allow everyone to eat before going back for seconds, and never take the last piece without asking whether somebody else would like it.
DON'T: Drink too much or dwell on past resentments
Laura: Don’t drink too much, because when you start drinking, tongues start wagging and inhibitions begin to disappear and before you know it, you could become the laughing stock of the family for being the one who lost it at a family gathering or the one who spoiled a family reunion.
Don’t use a family gathering as an opportunity to bring up old grievances, past incidents or resentments that could upset someone.
These subjects can quickly create tension and lead to arguments between family members, making everyone uncomfortable.
DO: Bring a gift for your host
Laura: When you arrive, bring something with you as a token of appreciation for your host. They have probably taken time to shop, cook, prepare the house and think about all the little details that go into receiving guests.
Not bringing a gift is a lack of consideration and acknowledgement. It suggests that you haven’t really thought about the time and effort your host has put into welcoming you.
Just because they are family doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make the effort to show your appreciation.
Julius: You would be surprised how many people turn up with absolutely nothing these days.
Ask beforehand whether you can bring a dish, or arrive with flowers, wine or soft drinks. It is a small gesture that shows appreciation for the effort your host has made.
DO: Put your phone away
Laura: You’re there to communicate with your family and spend quality time together, not to sit looking at social media or scrolling through your phone.
Be present, live in the moment and engage with the people around you. A gathering is not a photo op or social media opportunity.
If you have a genuinely important phone call that you may need to take, let everyone know at the beginning so they are aware. But it should be something important, not a trivial matter that can easily wait until later.
Julius: Encourage children to do the same rather than sitting on the sofa glued to their devices.
Of course, children learn by watching, so you must lead by example. One group photograph is fine; the scrolling can wait.
DO: Offer to help
Julius: Always ask whether the host needs an extra pair of hands, whether preparing food, pouring drinks or clearing up afterwards.
Even if the offer is politely declined, it will be appreciated. If it is accepted, pitch in cheerfully, and perhaps volunteer for the washing-up before anyone has to ask.
Before leaving, thank your host warmly and in person. Mention something specific you enjoyed, whether it was the roast, the conversation or the pudding.
A short message the next day is a lovely finishing touch, and perhaps the surest way to secure your next invitation.