The United States military is the most advanced fighting force on Earth and even off it, and yet it is constantly pushing the technological envelope further. Now, that R&D firepower has turned toward making the Army's helicopter pilots more focused and effective than ever. The Army just completed tests on a new system that will unleash a new capability: peeing. Yes, rather than having to hold it in for hours and hours at a stretch, this bold new addition to America's technological might will finally let pilots do their business while doing their business. Will that help America win a potential future war? Actually, it might help more than you think.
The new system is called, with a straight face, the Advanced Inflight Relief Universal System, or AIRUS. Built by AIRION, which specializes in medical devices for air and space, it works by... er, letting pilots pee. The Army was a little light on details in its report, possibly because the tech is classified (for the sake of the helicopter itself, not the pee), or maybe just because these aren't details we really want to know. In either case, it is apparently different from the old method of using a bag with coagulant. That sounds horrible, particularly if you're a woman, I imagine. Not surprisingly, the Army found that pilots would "tactically dehydrate" during a long mission, which is to say they would drink less water than they should just so they didn't have to pee. Yes, it's true: military pilots plan their missions exactly like you plan watching a movie in a theater.
The power of a little relief
We laugh, but in a brutal, extended battle, these things get can very serious. You need to stay hydrated to function effectively at your desk, let alone in combat. If your attention is getting split between holding it in and providing close combat support to a desperately outnumbered ground force, the Army as a whole is just not operating at its best. If you're dehydrated while that's happening, that's even worse. In a nightmare scenario where America is in a ground war with a near peer adversary (say, Russia or China), these battles could be very long affairs. Pilots really need to be at their best.
AIRUS is supposed to be a "universal" system, and to that end, the Army tested it with three battalions from the 101st Combat Aviation Brigade: the 1-101 Attack Battalion "No Mercy," 6-101 Assault Helicopter Battalion "Eagle Assault," and 7-101 Heavy Lift Battalion "Eagle Lift." That means, respectively, Apache, Black Hawk, and Chinook helicopters. The pilots selected for the test covered a range of heights and both men and women. I mean, if you're going to test your new pee device, "No Mercy" is exactly the kind of energy you want the pilots to bring.
So, how did the new pee machine do? According to AIRION CEO Colt Seman (I absolutely swear that's his name), "It was comfortable, and it worked." Well, what else do you need, really? The Army hasn't signed a contract yet, but the report seems pretty upbeat. More testing may be needed, so if you're an Army pilot yourself, drink lots of fluids and you could be next. Hopefully, should the need ever come, the enemy will find themselves facing pilots that are well hydrated and well relieved.