For a growing number of young people, artificial intelligence is not just a tool for homework or entertainment. It can feel like a friend. But when a chatbot becomes a teenager’s main source of comfort, parents, teachers and communities need to ask: which emotional need is going unmet?
A teenager sits in a busy cafeteria yet feels invisible.
Her friends are laughing over videos on their phones. They are talking about relationships, weekend plans and online trends. She tries to join in, only to be told that she is “too innocent”, “different” and not mature enough to understand.
Perhaps they mean it as a joke. But to her, it does not feel funny.
That evening, she scrolls through social media in her bedroom. Everyone seems to have close friends, a partner, a glamorous life or somewhere they belong. Then she finds an AI companion app.
The chatbot asks how her day was. It listens without interrupting. It tells her that her feelings matter and that it will always be there.
For a teenager who feels rejected by friends and misunderstood at home, those words can feel like a lifeline. But they also raise an important question: when does a helpful digital tool begin to take the place of the real relationships a young person needs?
A quiet struggle
Many young Malaysians are growing up in a highly connected world, but some still feel profoundly alone.
A teenager may have classmates, family members and hundreds of online followers, yet feel unable to speak honestly about what is troubling them. They may fear being judged, scolded, laughed at or told they are overreacting.
This makes loneliness easy for adults to miss. A young person may still go to class, say “okay” when asked how they are, and spend hours on a phone. Yet beneath the surface, they may be coping with rejection, low self-confidence, friendship pressure or the painful belief that they are not good enough.
The problem is not that every teenager who uses AI is lonely, nor that AI is automatically harmful. AI can help students learn, organise ideas and explore interests. Concern arises when a chatbot becomes a teenager’s first and eventually only place to turn whenever they feel sad, anxious, rejected or upset.
Why rejection hurts
Peer conflict is part of growing up. Friendships change, misunderstandings happen and young people do not always get along. However, repeated exclusion can have a deeper effect.
Adolescence is a period when young people are trying to understand who they are and where they fit in. They are asking questions such as: Who am I? What do I believe in? Where do I belong? Will people accept me for who I am?
Psychologist Erik Erikson described this stage as one of identity development. In everyday terms, teenagers are working to form a clear and stable sense of who they are, including their personality, values, interests and hopes for the future.
Supportive friendships can make this process easier. A young person learns that they can have their own interests, make different choices and still be accepted. Repeated criticism can have the opposite effect.
When a teenager often hears, “You are weird”, “You are childish”, “You do not belong” or “You need to change”, they may begin to believe those messages.
Instead of thinking, “My friends are treating me unkindly,” they may start thinking:
“Maybe I am not good enough.”
“Maybe I need to become someone else to be accepted.”
“Maybe nobody will like me as I am.”
This is more than ordinary sadness over a friendship problem. It can affect a teenager’s developing sense of identity.
Why AI feels safer
For a teenager who fears rejection, an AI companion can appear safer than people. A chatbot does not roll its eyes, laugh at them or share their secrets. It does not seem impatient after hearing the same worry several times. Most importantly, it is available immediately.
This can be powerfully attractive to a young person who has begun to expect criticism or rejection. They may avoid speaking to parents because they fear being scolded, avoid teachers because they do not want to be labelled a “problem student”, and avoid friends because they worry about being hurt again.
The chatbot then feels like a low-risk place to talk. Yet it is important to remember that a chatbot can sound caring without truly knowing the young person or understanding the full context of their life. It cannot notice changes in mood, recognise danger, offer a hug, involve a trusted adult or take responsibility for the teenager’s wellbeing.
Real relationships are less perfect. Parents may ask difficult questions. Friends may disagree. Counsellors may challenge negative thinking. But these relationships can also help a young person develop confidence, communication skills and resilience.
Psychologists Lazarus and Folkman explain that people respond not only to what happens to them, but also to what an experience means to them and whether they feel they have support to cope. This is why being left out by friends may seem minor to others but feel deeply painful to a teenager, threatening their self-worth and sense of belonging.
They may begin to think:
“Nobody likes me.”
“I am the problem.”
“I have no one to talk to.”
An AI chatbot can offer immediate relief. It is available, responsive and appears not to judge. For a teenager who feels rejected, that reassurance can be comforting.
The concern begins when the chatbot becomes the only coping strategy. A student who turns to AI after being excluded by friends may initially feel less alone. But if she relies on it whenever she is upset, she may withdraw from family, avoid school activities, lose confidence in making new friends or postpone speaking to a counsellor.
The chatbot may ease the feeling, but it cannot address the reason for the hurt.
Over time, repeated conversations may make the AI feel less like a tool and more like a close friend. Psychologists describe this as a parasocial relationship, which is an emotional bond that feels real to the user but is not a mutual human relationship.
Such attachments are not new. People have long felt emotionally close to celebrities, fictional characters and online personalities. AI is different because it talks back, remembers details and responds in a personal-sounding way. For a teenager who feels rejected or lonely, this can create a powerful impression that the chatbot is the only one who truly understands them.
This is where reliance can become a concern. The issue is not that a young person uses AI, nor does it mean that they are weak or irresponsible. Rather, they may be seeking comfort in the place that feels safest, easiest and most available. But if the chatbot gradually replaces conversations with family, friends, teachers or counsellors, the young person may become more isolated from the people who can offer genuine, two-way support.
The important question, then, is not only, “How much time is this teenager spending on AI?” It is also, “What is this teenager trying to cope with, and do they have safe people to turn to in real life?” Healthy coping means having more than one source of support, which includes, family members, friends, teachers, counsellors and meaningful activities. AI may offer brief comfort, but it should remain a tool.
What parents and schools can do
Parents do not need to panic if a teenager is using an AI app. Anger, ridicule or immediately confiscating a device can make a young person feel even more isolated.
A calmer approach is to begin with curiosity:
- “You seem quieter than usual. Is something worrying you?”
- “Has anything happened with your friends?”
- “What do you find helpful about talking to this app?”
- “Is there someone you feel comfortable speaking to when you are upset?”
- “How can I support you better?”
Parents should pay attention if a young person becomes increasingly isolated, loses interest in favourite activities, avoids family conversations, experiences major mood changes, struggles to sleep or seems unable to put the phone aside during important moments.
The priority should be to understand the distress behind the behaviour, not simply to remove the device.
Schools have an equally important role. Teachers and counsellors may notice early changes, such as withdrawal in class, reduced participation, declining academic performance, irregular attendance or spending breaks alone. These changes do not always mean a serious problem, but they are reasons to check in with care. Schools can create safe spaces for students to discuss friendship difficulties, bullying, social-media pressure and emotional wellbeing before problems become overwhelming. They can also teach AI literacy, explaining that chatbots may be useful tools, but they are not therapists, parents, best friends or replacements for professional support.
Technology should lead back to life
Young people do not need to abandon technology; they need to use it with awareness and balance. When a teenager repeatedly turns to an AI companion to feel heard, accepted or valued, it may point to an emotional need that deserves attention. The most meaningful support may then come not from an app, but from a parent who listens, a teacher who notices, a friend who shows kindness or a counsellor who offers a safe space to talk.
A chatbot can respond to words. But human connections create belonging.
The writers are students of Bachelor of Psychology program at the School of Education and Social Sciences, Management and Science University (MSU). Dr Shabina Rehman is their lecturer for the subject- Adolescent Psychology. This article is adapted from their project, entitled- “Seeking Belongingness in the Digital Age: Challenges in Distinguishing Fantasy from Reality.”
The views expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of theSun.