There are pros and cons to everything and this is especially true when it comes to getting older.
If you believe everything you read, ageing is a horror story and even if you’re lucky enough to be well and active, you’re still invisible and no-one wants to employ you or include you in anything.
The truth is very different, however. Whatever age we are, our reality is completely governed by our mindset. If you think ageing is awful and your life is over, so it will be. And the opposite is true too.
Do you remember being in your teens and twenties? For many, this is a time of great turmoil and angst. You care so very deeply about what others think of you. You agonise over every slightly negative comment that comes your way. Not much fun, was it?
I was certainly that young woman who didn’t have the confidence to realise that snarky comments from others reflected more on those who made them. The difference now is nothing short of staggering.
And it’s completely liberating.
Caring less about what others think
To my mind, this is one of the very best aspects of being older. And it improves with every passing year.
I have to confess, being on social media has helped with this too. This is the place where total strangers can (and do) say anything they want to you, pass judgement on your every word and action and can even threaten you. Being the centre of a few pile-ons over the years has certainly toughened me up. Mind you, it came at the right time for me. I was already experienced enough to realise that what other people think of me is none of my business. It’s a reflection of their own attitude and is a completely subjective opinion. It’s honestly the most wonderful feeling in the world when you realise that and life-changing in every way.
Who needs the angst of youth, even if your skin is tight and you look good in hot pants?
Looking perfect
© Natasha Merchant
This was quite a big one for me, as is perfectionism generally. I still find myself feeling I’ve got to do everything perfectly, but I’m also learning to catch myself and let it go.
When it comes to looking perfect, however, I’ve come a very long way. There used to be days when a spot on my face (and I had plenty of those in my twenties) would leave me not wanting to leave the house. A bad hair day would be enough to ruin my day. I’m so over that now.
I can honestly say that these kinds of thing are completely non-consequential to me now. A spot? Cover it up. Bad hair day? Put on my favourite lipstick or a great outfit and the hair is forgotten. OR do none of that and just get on with my day.
That’s not to say I don’t like to look good but I’m much more accepting that it’s going to vary day to day. I feel there’s nothing I can’t work round. It’s all going to be ok no matter what. And I no longer care about the opinion of people who judge me based on my looks.
Saying no
I think this is one of the most liberating and important factors about being older. Saying yes to things that don’t serve you, drain you or make you uncomfortable is a very common issue with many women. I found it impossible to say no for so many years and it was exhausting.
Now, I’m simply not prepared to sacrifice my time and energy to things that I have no desire to do. I’ve learned to stand my ground and be more assertive. I feel fine about saying no when I know it’s the right thing to do.
Comparing myself with other women
This comes down to confidence and acceptance of who we are. There’s always someone who’s younger, slimmer, richer, more successful or just happier. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy.
I used to look at other women and feel they had it all so much easier. They were so cool, so beautiful, so perfect and I used to feel inadequate. I know some people may wonder how that’s possible as I had a fair amount of success in my acting career and was plastered all over the papers and magazines looking rather glamorous. But that’s the thing. It’s got nothing to do with that, it’s about how you feel inside and how confident you are.
I feel completely differently now and for the first time ever, can say that I’m a truly confident woman. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments of insecurity which is part of the human condition. But now, I know my worth even when those around me may not.
Worrying about ageing
I remember thinking in my youth that there wasn’t any point to living when you’re old and wrinkled. Well, here’s what I wasn’t expecting. I don’t mind my wrinkles and I don’t feel old.
That’s not to say that I don’t do everything I can to look after my skin and look the best I can. I love looking good. But as my face has changed and matured, I don’t mind nearly as much as I thought I would. It’s all part of embracing change, acceptance and self-love.
And that’s at the heart of it all. I now have a lot more self-love. I’ve turned down the volume on the harsh inner critic that we all have. I can look at all the challenges I’ve had to endure in my life and give myself a little pat on the back. And I have compassion and understanding of all the choices I’ve made along the way.
So yes, there are challenges as the years go by, but if I had a choice, I wouldn’t go back to being 20 for anything. I’d rather go along with the lines on my face and keep my new-found confidence and resilience. It feels so much better.
There are many advantages to being older and maybe it’s time to challenge all the negative rhetoric? After all, who’s saying it? You can be sure it’s the perspective of youth. And, let’s be honest, what do they know?