This article contains spoilers for The Celebrity Traitors
The clue’s in the title: the Traitors are supposed to be the main characters of The Traitors. When you accept the cloak, you’re signing up for scintillation, scrutiny and screentime. Over the course of its six series, the most memorable players of the game have been those making mischief in the turret, from series one’s Amanda Lovett to series two’s Harry Clark to the inimitable Alan Carr in last year’s first celebrity version.
But on tonight’s tense episode it became clear that in this year’s Celebrity Traitors, the wrong players have been picked for the job at almost every juncture. Richard E Grant, chosen by producers, became the first Traitor ever to get banished at the inaugural Round Table when he committed the biggest blunder in the game’s history (namely, openly telling everyone he was a Traitor), so we got to see none of his antics. Hannah Fry was recruited shortly afterwards, but her conspicuously superior intelligence made her a bad call – there was already too much heat on her. She was banished an episode later.
And I don’t put much stock in the remaining Traitors, either. The only one of them I’m enjoying watching is Kenny, the newest recruit, who is a welcome injection of fun into an otherwise vibeless turret.
Let’s first address the spectacular mistake from James Acaster tonight. In perhaps the most nail-biting mission ever seen on the show, the Traitors were tasked with stealing pieces of Faithfuls’ model shields while they were blindfolded, risking exposing themselves with creaking floorboards and suspicious breezes – a task in which they were also entirely responsible for the prize pot.
James, who never wanted to be a Traitor in the first place, not only refused to do any creeping, but didn’t even take his blindfold off to communicate with Maya and Kenny, who were next to each other on the other side of the room, feeling it was too risky as he was surrounded by Faithfuls (including the intimidating Michael Sheen).
I have a degree of sympathy for James, who became a Traitor against his will, but equally, one does think: come on, mate. His total lack of participation really took the fun out of the game. Maya and Kenny, stressed by James’s opting out, also managed to cock it up completely, meaning the team took home no money.
James got off pretty lightly in the turret later for what was the biggest betrayal of his team so far – but even aside from the Traitors and the prize fund, it wasn’t good for audiences. This show runs on risk, and if you avoid it entirely, the wind gets knocked out of its sails.
Then there’s Maya. The only day-one Traitor remaining, she’s played up her “villain era” and leaned into the fact it’s just a game, encouraging her chosen Traitor James to get into it and loosen up. She has played the game like a true Traitor: savvily voting for fellow Traitors – both Richard and Hannah – at the Round Table to save herself, gleefully offing Faithfuls and planting seeds of doubt everywhere she goes.
But I’m finding watching her far from the genuinely ecstatic experience I had last year with Alan Carr. She is too much of a pro: good at it in the same way she’s good at being a TV presenter, slick and stylish, but not quite real. Her career is serving her very well in the game, since she has impeccable social skills that smooth all uncomfortable interactions and make her highly likeable to everyone. But from my sofa, she is almost too polished. It’s all too easy for her: we want to watch them squirm and then succeed – and, save for a little stress in missions such as tonight’s, she is not squirming at all.
So it’s all on Kenny. From the moment he went up to the turret and dropped to the ground in shock as Maya and James revealed themselves – a clip that may outlast the series as a meme – he injected some much-needed energy and naughtiness into the room. He has been remarkably good at slotting back into the ranks of the Faithfuls after being recruited, arousing no suspicions.
The Traitors need to buck up their ideas, either by showing some vulnerability (Maya) or putting their big boy pants on (James). Otherwise, if certifiable legend Miranda gets murdered tomorrow, there’ll be barely any fun left in the castle.
The Celebrity Traitors continues tomorrow at 8pm on BBC One