Every Time Our Daughter Misbehaves, My Wife Pulls Out Her Phone. Then She Makes an Evil Threat.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Kate,” and I have a 4-year-old daughter, “Teresa.” Teresa is a normal kid who is currently testing boundaries. Kate is not reacting well.

Her latest response has been to threaten Teresa with calling the police and having them take her away if she doesn’t comply with what Kate wants. Kate even goes so far as to pull out her phone and pretend to be talking to the cops, telling our daughter that they are coming to get her. This has led to numerous instances of Teresa breaking down sobbing and pleading not to be arrested. After Teresa is sufficiently terrified, Kate will eventually pretend to call the police back to tell them not to come after all.

The other day, Kate pulled the phone trick in response to Teresa refusing to wear the outfit she had chosen for her. It ended with Teresa getting worked up to the point she vomited.

I think what my wife is doing is traumatizing our daughter, and I have said as much. She counters with, “It works and that’s all that matters.” Do I have the right to tell her the phony cop calls are not an option?

—Evil Empty Threats

Dear Evil Empty Threats,

What! This is the type of demented prank a pack of heartless teens would play on the new girl they want to torment.

Kate probably doesn’t see it like that, because it’s “worked” to get Teresa to behave, but it’s truly rotten. You see how harmful and trauma-inducing it is and have to intervene immediately. This isn’t exactly full-on wire-hanger abuse, but it’s pretty much psychological torture.

Make sure your wife  apologizes to Teresa, tells her she loves her, and promises to never call the pretend police ever again.

And for the next couple months (or possibly forever), you’re in charge of discipling Teresa. She needs to regain some trust and understand  you’re not going to call the National Guard the next time she spills some juice on the carpet.

—A.J.

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