Our Son Has Made an Unconventional Choice With His Bride-to-Be. My Husband Is Threatening to Boycott the Wedding.

Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My son, “James,” just announced his engagement to his wonderful fiancée, “Kayla.” However, my husband “Roger” is ruining what should be a joyful event by being stubborn about his bad opinions.

Kayla asked James to take her last name, and he agreed. Roger is reacting as though James agreed to cut off a limb. He’s gone so far as to say that if James goes through with it, not only will he refuse to attend the wedding, we won’t be paying for anything either. What can I do to get my husband out of the Dark Ages?

—Just a Name

Dear Just a Name, 

Yeah, your husband is overreacting. He is also overcompensating for what he may see as a loss of his own identity. I have to admit—if one of my sons decided to marry someone and take their name, I wouldn’t protest or even mention it, but I would take it a little personally. Like, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR STRONG ITALIAN NAME? But it’s not my choice, not my place. (However, I’d kind of understand it. “Daulerio” is constantly mispronounced—way too many vowels.)

I’d be curious about what exactly your husband’s objection is. If you sincerely think that he’s simply an out-of-touch ignoramus, that he’s feeling cucked by his son, well, that’s obviously a Fox News-brain problem and an argument you may never win. Although, I would remind him that blowing up his relationship with his son over this is a decision he will most likely regret.

But also, investigate what’s really going on—like really dig in there. Ask him about his anger and grief. Let him know it’s OK to feel a real sense of loss over this, but not OK to act out in this way. Before you lay into him, give him an opportunity to explain himself. Try to defuse him kindly, and maybe he’ll come around.

—A.J.

More Parenting Advice From Slate

My daughter Natalie is 3 years old and talks A LOT about every detail of our lives. (I heard her telling the mailman the other day that I cut my nails while I was sitting on the toilet!) My mom takes MAJOR advantage of this and asks Natalie questions about my personal life.