A secret diagnosis could have torn us apart, but it brought us together

When Vinko Anthony finally got the courage to tell the love of his life a secret he had been hiding for five years, he had to trust the love and listening he'd given Andrea Zara in the relationship would be gracefully given back to him.

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These are Vinko and Andrea's words.

There were 20,000 people and there he was

Vinko: In 2010, I was living in Sydney and decided to go on a European holiday.

I was in Dubrovnik; Croatia one morning swimming after doing yoga and I looked up and there was this cuteness overload standing there dancing naked on a rock with no music on and I went, "Oh my God."

It sounds like it was sexual, but it wasn't, it was more Andrea's joy and that someone would have a free spirit to do something like that, he was just having a great time.

Andrea has always and will always have this childlike, curious energy that was the first thing that I fell in love with.

We spoke at the beach but we didn't exchange numbers.

We were both in relationships when we met.

Then there was a big summer festival at Dubrovnik where there were 20,000 people. The reason I went subconsciously was to bump into Andrea again.

I thought it would be unlikely, you couldn't even walk through the city there were so many people.

But the first bar I went into, I was ordering a drink, and I turned my head to the left and there was Andrea looking so handsome in his blue shirt, I remember it so vividly.

2,743 emails between us

Vinko: After Croatia, Andrea and I continued this wonderful communication between us on email.

In three months, there were 2,743 emails between us.

I know the number because I photocopied them all to take to immigration months later when they asked, "Do you have proof of your relationship?"

So, Andrea and I had made a decision that we were going to meet again in person.

He had a wedding in Italy and I said, "Well, I'm coming to Bari, and you come and see me if you like, and we'll go from there."

Andrea had this whole romantic trip planned. 

We stayed in medieval castles and villas, and it was a dream 10 days together.

And that was the end of our old lives, there was no going back.

Andrea: In January 2011, I came to Australia to visit, and we went to see this woman at the immigration office and she really liked us.

We went there to investigate how we could do the next step in my relocating to Australia and she told us we could officially register our relationship.

So Vinko and I went from the immigration office to the births and marriages office, wearing swimsuits, sweating in 40-degree Sydney heat.

In comes this guy with bleached blonde hair who's never left Australia, and says, "I'm here to marry you." I couldn't understand a word of his accent.

Basically, we got "married" in the middle of the waiting room.

I left my medication where he could see it

Vinko: I had HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) for many years before meeting Andrea and was living a very kind of open life with it.

I spoke to two of my dearest friends about what was the right thing to do in telling Andrea and had written so many [unsent] letters to him.

But I made a call of not sharing it because I wanted to protect us. There was still so much stigma surrounding it.

It was a challenging time, but never during that time was Andrea ever in any threat or danger himself, because I was undetectable and always having checks. But the relationship was under threat because obviously there was dishonesty.

And eventually I knew it was going to come out, but then a day became a week, a week became a month, and a month became a year and then two years and then five years.

But I always believed in the power of love, and eventually I shared it by leaving my medication on the bench in the bathroom, and I knew it was going to be seen.

Andrea: Vinko always had some pills in the bathroom but on this day they'd changed.

So, I was like, "oh, strange" and I checked the box and they were antiviral pills for HIV.

And I went up and confronted him and said, "Is this true?"

But he was right to keep it from me because it would have been the end of us earlier in the relationship.

Then, I did my due diligence into really researching HIV and doing a test myself, and speaking with the doctor to find out exactly what does a diagnosis mean?

HIV in the 80s was always advertised as this scary thing.

This is the problem, you're stuck into that idea and that was how it was for me, until I really understood it.

From a love story to matchmaker

Vinko: Andrea and I had started a professional matchmaking service for gay men early on in our relationship, so there was a lot at stake.

When we sat together and talked about my diagnosis, he was so genuine and so sweet and so kind and said, "We are much bigger than this."

It was like a big weight off my shoulders. I felt safe.

Andrea: We had this feeling we could have done anything together.

It was the support of each other and the achievement of everything else, where it was empowerment, basically.

I never had that in my life [before].

Our love and our relationship are constantly growing. We evolve and develop together, respecting each other and supporting and acknowledging each other’s choices.

It's not always roses, but when you get older, you understand that the relationship gets better and better with time.