Why We Can Never Just "Relax"

I can never relax. I think there have only been a handful of moments in my entire existence on this earth when I have truly just sat in Being. I have a vivid memory of looking out the school window as a child, sitting in the classroom and watching a dog randomly roam around the playground. I had a peculiar envy for this carefree creature. Not only did it not have to sit in a stuffy classroom all day learning times tables, but it could just 'exist'. There was no constant pressure to do something, achieve something, amount to something.

It starts young, when adults ask little children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” This harmless question always makes me sad. Can’t they just be allowed to exist as children? The time will come soon enough when they’ll be bombarded with exams and deadlines and nerve-jangling moments when they have to decide which life path to go down. I remember my sister asking my nephew, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” He didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know,” he said, looking confused. “Well,” my sister told him, “you’d better think of something. We all have to work.” She meant it as a joke, but it made my heart sink. We all have to do something. We all have to work. The curse of being human is not being allowed to just exist. We can never be like that dog in the playground.

In this era of late-stage capitalism, hustle culture and self-optimisation, maybe the most radical move of all is to say no and decide to do nothing. Imagine that: a radical act of defiance in 2026.

Let me tell you about one of the rare moments when I just existed on this planet, without my head buzzing onto the next task, the next objective, the next shiny object. I had just read a book called Effortless Being, which guided me through how to sit in absolute stillness. For the first time in years, my mind emptied of all thoughts. I imagine it must be like cleaning the filter of your dishwasher after years of neglect. For the first time in year my mind was…blank. It’s a hard state to get into, as it seems to go against every human instinct. Most of our minds chatter away at us 24/7 like constant background radio static. When I finally achieved this elusive stillness, it felt like a clearing in a forest. I felt like I was above the clouds for a moment, away from all the noise of life.

And of course, my brain buzzed again with a thought. But this one felt different. It was a clear direction to email a university professor about a PhD project investigating women with ADHD. I emailed her, and I got it. And that’s how you’re reading this article today. I am currently researching the lives and careers of women entrepreneurs with ADHD. I know this all sounds a tad “woo-woo”, but I think we’re all allowed one woo-woo story to peddle. That is mine.

As an ADHD woman myself, I know I’m not alone in my general inability to sit at peace and enjoy existing. But if you do get a moment, even a few seconds, to quiet your mind and just exist like that dog in the playground, you might be amazed at what insights come to you. Your mind is a truly fascinating machine. Go ahead, try it.

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