It's the preferred method of communication for most people, with the art of a phone call dying out, especially amongst millennials and the younger generations.
Yet, despite its popularity and everyday occurrence, are you coming across as rude when you're texting?
For Laura Windsor, known as the Queen of Etiquette, who advised Netflix on Regency-era social graces for Bridgerton, there's a few important rules people must follow when sending a message.
If you want to avoid being labelled rude, arrogant or indifferent, the expert warned against texting 'Sorry, just seen this' or using one-word messages, and also urged against ever saying 'we need to talk'.
She also insisted 'softeners' like ‘kind of’, 'perhaps' and 'could' should be added into texts, especially when asking questions or offering a form of criticism.
So, do you have perfect etiquette when it comes to firing off a message, or could you do with improving your communication skills? Read on to find out...
It's the preferred method of communication for most people, with the art of a phone call dying out, especially amongst millennials and the younger generations. Yet, despite its popularity and everyday occurrence, are you coming across as rude when you're texting? (stock photo)
Avoid saying 'Sorry I've just seen this text'
It's the go-to reply most people use when they've ignored someone's message for a little too long - and rather than admit they've forgotten about said person, or worse, couldn't be bothered to respond, they text: 'Sorry I've just seen this'.
However, for Laura, this is the height of rudeness. She instead suggests people should stick to 'honesty being the best policy'.
'Avoid saying "Sorry I’ve just seen this text" when it is not true,' warned the expert. 'If you have already seen it but not yet answered, just be courteous and say something like: “I’m terribly sorry I did not reply before".
'And say what you need to say and perhaps add "apologies again" at the end. Don’t make a habit of it - because then it looks as if you are taking the mickey!'
Laura added: 'What is the point of pretending that you haven’t seen a message? You overestimate what the recipient expects of you.
'The sender should realise that their text is not the only one you receive, that you have a busy life too and you will get to it as soon as you can.
'Once the original sender receives the late message, they should respond graciously by saying "Of course, I imagined you were very busy!" and thank the person for replying anyway.'
Never write 'we need to talk'
Sometimes, the topic you intend to discuss might be worthy of more than a simple explanation over text, so you'd prefer a call, or a face-to-face meeting. However, one should never say 'we need to talk' to achieve this.
Laura explained: 'That phrase can sound ominous and deliberately manipulative and controlling, leaving the other person anxious, knowing that something unpleasant is possibly going to be said.
'Better to use the softeners here and modal verbs such as “Would it be possible to meet today? I would be very grateful if you have some time to chat."
'And always say thank you at the end of the message to acknowledge that their time is precious as well.'
For Laura Windsor (pictured), known as the Queen of Etiquette, who advised Netflix on Regency-era social graces for Bridgerton, saying 'Sorry I've just seen this text' when it's not true is the height of rudeness
Don't use one-word texts
More often than not, people fall into two categories when it comes to texting, you either write a very lengthy message, or you're more of a one-word texter.
If you're the latter, Laura suggested you're lacking 'effective communication' and are likely coming across as 'indifferent' or 'arrogant'.
The etiquette expert said: 'Any monosyllabic and one-word texts, such as "Hello", "So?", "Busy", "Can't", "No" and "Maybe" strip out context, warmth and consideration.
'They can come across as abrupt, impatient, even arrogant. Remove the courtesies and you remove the human connection that makes communication effective. Such words may also come across as indifferent.
'In our attempt to send quick texts involving a few syllables, we tend to forget that words have an emotional impact and that there is an actual human being on the other end of the message.
'Instead of Hello? (As in when are you going to answer?), write: "Hello, I’m not sure whether you were able to see my message earlier. No rush. Just wanted to know your thoughts on this. Thank you."'
Avoid chasing replies with passive-aggressive messages
It's all well and good wanting a reply to your text, but Laura has warned against chasing someone for a response, especially with passive-aggressive messages.
'”Still waiting" and "Is that a no then?" sound passive-aggressive,' she explained. 'The other person may not have read your message, let alone had time to reply.
'Expecting them to live up to "your rhythm" shows a lack of respect and leaves them feeling cornered.
'You also sound very demanding as if their time is not important. Everyone has a life that doesn’t necessarily revolve around you.'
Never just send 'condolences'
For Laura, there's moments when one-word messages really shouldn't be relied on. '“Condolences” can sound callous when sent on its own,' she said.
'We tend to shorten our sentences in moments when just a little more warmth is needed, making our words seem stark, unempathetic and almost robotic. We forget that we are speaking to another human being, with feelings and emotions.'
Know your audience and ditch abbreviations to someone of a certain age
'The way we communicate should depend on who the receiver is,' said the etiquette expert.
'Sending a text full of acronyms and abbreviations to someone of a certain age who may not understand them is not only unhelpful but can come across as rude.
'We should ideally adapt our language to suit the recipient otherwise it just leads to a breakdown of communication.
'Good manners involve recognising with whom we are communicating and adjusting our register accordingly so that our message is received in the way that it was intended.'
Include words like ‘kind of’, 'perhaps' and 'could'
Laura revealed: 'You should avoid direct communication which may be interpreted as rude as the tone cannot be detected and the text can be misinterpreted.
'In this case, the use of softeners can help make the text sound more polite and gentle. Without them, communication can sound rather blunt.
'These softeners include words like "kind of" and "sort of", "perhaps", "maybe" as well as modal verbs such as "could", "would" and "might", and should be used to soften feedback making your message sound less confrontational.
'For example, “I was wondering whether you could/would be so kind to...” and "Perhaps we need to review this a little more…"'
Never send a question mark on its own
'A question mark on its own, as in “?”, can come across as almost arrogant and demanding,' insisted Laura.
'For example a more polite alternative would be: “When you get a second, please let me know what time you’d like to meet up.”
'Or in a different context: "I'm so sorry, I don't quite understand your message. Would you repeat, please?"
'People are busy. They may be receiving or are texting left, right and centre, and if they receive 50 messages within the space of a few minutes, you can understand why a reply may not be with you immediately.
'We should realise that our messages are not necessarily someone else’s priority at that very moment, and allow people the time and space to respond when they can.'