SINGAPORE: A 32-year-old Singaporean man recently shared on Reddit that he is now unsure whether he should continue his six-month relationship with his 30-year-old girlfriend after realising they have “different attitudes towards money and their future.”
In a lengthy post on the r/sgdatingscene forum, he explained why he felt they might not be compatible, citing differences in their financial priorities, personalities, and lifestyles.
The man said his girlfriend does not earn much but does not seem to prioritise saving either, often spending “according to her emotions.” He, on the other hand, has built up a reasonable amount of savings and “is more concerned about financial stability, housing, and planning for their future.”
“I don’t mind contributing more since I earn more, but I’m uncomfortable with the possibility of being expected to pay 80 to 90% of our housing and renovation costs, on top of carrying most of our other expenses.”
“I worry that we have very different ideas about financial responsibility, and I’m not sure how we would manage our finances as a married couple.”
Beyond money, he also feels that their personalities and communication styles are quite different. He described his girlfriend as “sensitive” and said he finds it difficult to joke around with her.
“When I send her memes that I find funny, she responds that she doesn’t want to see such nonsense and that she isn’t one of my bros. I understand that everyone has different communication styles, but I feel like I have to constantly monitor how I speak and behave around her instead of being myself.”
He added that she restricts him from meeting his friends and pursuing his hobbies. According to him, she can also be “passive-aggressive” when she’s unhappy and sometimes takes her stress out on him.
Moreover, the man mentioned that his girlfriend’s demanding work schedule has made it difficult for them to build a deeper connection. She is allegedly a “workaholic” who struggles with time management and organisation, often working “10 to 12 hours a day” before returning home to shower and sleep.
“As a result, our relationship often feels quite superficial. Our daily conversations revolve around greetings, what we ate, and routine updates. When we call, she is usually venting about her problems. I don’t feel like we have much time or emotional space to build a deeper connection as a couple.”
Despite all this, he stressed that he does not see her as a bad person or a bad partner, and admitted he has his own flaws too. Still, he said he is struggling to picture a shared future given how different they are.
“Part of me wonders whether I’m being too critical or expecting too much. Another part of me worries that if these issues are already bothering me six months into the relationship, they may become much bigger problems when we live together or get married.”
“I don’t want to waste either of our time if we ultimately want different things from a relationship. At the same time, I don’t want to walk away from someone without giving the relationship a fair chance.”
Hoping to gain some clarity on whether their relationship could work out, he asked others, “For those who have been in similar situations, are these issues things that couples can realistically work through, or do they point to fundamental incompatibilities?
“I have started to have honest conversation with her about some issues; while she is receptive and agrees in the issues, I have not seen much changes. How does one distinguish between normal relationship compromises and settling for a relationship? I would appreciate honest perspectives.”
‘If you love her, talk to her’
Many Singaporean Redditors in the thread saw the woman's behaviour as a “red flag” and advised him to end the relationship.
One commenter told him to “run,” saying the story mirrored his own experience with an ex-girlfriend.
“You are literally describing my ex-girlfriend. Let me reveal the ending for you in advance: when you stop meeting her needs by protecting your boundaries, or when [she finds someone else] who can better do it, she will cheat on you. Because from what you mentioned thus far, she prioritises herself more than your needs and the well-being of the relationship.”
Another said that if he was already “walking on eggshells after just six months,” he should think about what decades of marriage would feel like
“You should not be fearing your partner,” the user added. “Also, never get together with anyone who wants to restrict your hobbies or who you hang out with.”
A third Redditor, however, encouraged him to have another honest conversation first if he still loved her.
“If you love her, talk to her. During the conversation, try not to make it sound like she is imperfect and full of faults while you are faultless. Admit your faults where needed.”
“And if it still doesn't work, at least you have tried your best, and you won't regret it. You definitely don't want to wonder what could have been if you had tried to talk/work it out.”/TISG
Read also: ‘Should I just keep pushing on?’: 30 y/o SG man with S$320k asks when to take a break from work