TV
Euan Cherry
The following article contains spoilers for ‘The Celebrity Traitors’ episodes three and four.
It’s already the second week of The Celebrity Traitors – the TV show that is single-handedly keeping small talk with semi-acquaintances alive – and what a week it’s been. We’ve had Ross Kemp roaring at the roundtable as if he’s just captured an active cartel member with his bare hands, our queen Myha’la gone way too soon and the icon that is Jerry Hall saying things like “putting on lipstick laaate at niiight doesn’t make sense” in her trademark Texan drawl. But, as ever, we also had questions. Plenty of them. Here are the 50 burning questions we were left with after the second week of The Celebrity Traitors.
- Why did Richard ever think he wouldn’t be voted out?
- Do we now think he regrets wearing scarves?
- Why did Jerry sound so Lynchian when she said “putting on lipstick late at night doesn’t make sense”?
- On that note, what shade of lipstick is Jerry wearing?
- Why did Ross roar at the roundtable like that?
- Does he think that they are… hunting real murderers?
- I actually respect his commitment to the game?
- As if leg wrestling is a real thing, and as if Jerry was the champion of it?
- What hair products does Jerry use?
- Why was Jerry so incredibly relaxed at breakfast after neither her nor Hannah were murdered?
- Did Jerry not think that rapidly changing the subject at that point would make her seem suspicious?
- Does she fully comprehend the concept of the game?
- More importantly, was Jerry wearing skinny jeans?
- Where did Jerry get her cowboy boots?
- Is King Kenny actually lowkey pretty good at this game?
- Does anyone else just go on their phone for the full duration of the challenges?
- Is using a battering ram to open crypts much of a challenge?
- Did Maya actually handle that shield issue quite well?
- Was Myha’la winking really that bad?
- If she was actually a traitor, and could feel that Richard was about to go, then why would she defend Richard as much as she did?
- And if she was a traitor, why would she ever wink at him for everyone to see?!
- I actually feel sick that Myha’la was banished?
- But wasn’t it cute that Ross said “love you” to her?
- I need Leigh-Anne to seek revenge, but I fear she’s too nice?
- Couldn’t they have gotten rid of literally anyone else, for example James Blunt?
- Why does James Blunt need to take charge for literally every challenge?
- The rest of them can just figure it out for themselves?
- Is Miranda lowkey the best at this game?
- Why was Julie so shocked about Bella being murdered?
- Did she not think saying “BELLA?!” that loudly at breakfast would make her look suspicious?
- Did Jerry really wear a wedding dress every day until Mick Jagger married her?
- It was wild to see Sebastian going headfirst into that hole/toilet, but it wasn’t really that dirty inside?
- Why did we have to watch this challenge essentially being done twice? It’s boring?
- Sorry, but did Julie going… feel like justice?
- Okay, so who’s going to be murdered next?
- I’m sensing Rob Beckett?
- Or maybe Romesh Ranganathan?
- Is everyone going to be suspicious of Leigh-Anne now?
- Are all the suspicions around the hide-and-seek twist going to buy Hannah another week?
- I feel like Hannah’s sadly on her way out, though?
- But, there was something kind of satisfying about her framing Myha’la over the shield and then Kenny raising Hannah’s changed behaviour over shields in the next challenge?
- Who should the traitors recruit next?
- It would be so funny if it were Ross?
- Maybe it should actually be Miranda?
- Or, would they rather just kill Miranda, because she’s too smart?
- What about if they recruited Jerry?
- She’d do a Richard for sure, but it’d be fun to watch?
- When Jerry throws out random names – eg. “everyone’s sayin’ it’s Ross” – is she actually hearing these names or is she just having fun?
- Michael Sheen is really surprising me by having managed to fly so under the radar this whole time?
- Am I weird for still not fancying James Acaster?
