Ranking All 20 Premier League Teams’ Performances on Matchday 6

Bournemouth have played better than their meager points total of three, but they were never in danger of earning that elusive first win under Marco Rose at Stamford Bridge.

“The last games we had some good performances,” the incoming manager admitted, “but today we struggled.”

Manchester United have so many problems that people can get bogged down by the irrelevant ones.

Rather than running statistics, Michael Carrick would be wise to dwell on how his collection of players (or strangers?) can look so woefully exposed against a Tottenham Hotspur side that started the game in 20th.

Old Trafford has been a far more forgiving atmosphere than most grounds throughout the club’s 13 years of angst since Sir Alex Ferguson but even match-going fans are starting to lose their patience. Carrick has no defense, in a metaphorical or literal sense. “I understand the disappointment,” he shrugged, “the reality is what it is.”

“Maybe you don’t know me,” an increasingly prickly Álvaro Arbeloa put it to a journalist this weekend, “but I played for the best team in world. I have coached the best team in the world. Maybe you don’t know, but just to let you know, that pressure is part of my life since I was a kid.”

The former Real Madrid player and manager (for all of four months) is being subjected to a torrent of deserved pressure after another listless display and more dropped points.

Another Monday night and another 4–1 thumping. Matthias Jaissle could be forgiven for channeling The Boomtown Rats but Newcastle’s hefty reverse against Coventry City was nowhere near as damning as their implosion at the hands of Leeds United in September.

For large swathes of the weeknight clash, the Magpies had Coventry City on the ropes, creating a glut of chances they found creative ways to spurn. “The result is not what happened in the game,” Nico González fairly claimed. Yet, the backdoor was constantly left open during Newcastle’s attacking raids and the newly promoted hosts were in ruthless mood.

Putting aside the mental gymnastics of what this result means in the grand context of the Premier League’s existence, this was an excellent game decided by the referee—as Andoni Iraola has been at pains to point out.

For all Liverpool’s promise across that opening hour of numerical parity, the extent to which the Reds collapsed after Ryan Gravenberch’s dismissal cannot get lost in the fog of another refereeing controversy. Liverpool may have only had 10 players but they still collectively completed fewer passes than Cherki managed on his own across those final 30 minutes.

One of the old clichés that David Moyes has fallen upon one or two times during his 1,202 matches of management is the need for a team to be at their best in both boxes.

Well, Everton were guilty of two defensive blunders while Thierno Barry missed even more chances in the attacking penalty area. Against that backdrop, it’s impressive the Toffees were able to emerge with any points.

Hull haven’t been declawed just yet. The Tigers have bolstered an unexpectedly bright start in the Premier League’s glamor ties with the kind of dogged battles for points which could be enough to evade a relegation the vast majority had predicted.

Sergej Jakirović captured the mood of one point well earned on Sunday when he concluded: “Congratulations to both teams.”

“You’re unhappy. I’m unhappy too,” Larry David lamented in season four of Curb Your Enthusiasm. “Have you heard of Henry Clay? He was the Great Compromiser. A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied, and I think that’s what we have here.”

Brentford’s 2–2 draw fit the bill of an ultimate compromise. Keith Andrews was left to fret over the sluggishness of his returning internationals while Emery was tearing his immaculately gelled hair out at the sight of his side’s lax rearguard action.

Roberto De Zerbi may have taken heart from Rodrigo Bentancur’s headbutt, yet there were some more orthodox positives washing around Tottenham’s 1–1 draw at Old Trafford.

On another day—perhaps in another season untainted by the club’s current crisis of confidence—Spurs would have long since put the contest to bed before Bryan Mbeumo’s unexpected opener. Dominic Solanke snatched a draw in stoppage time to secure Tottenham the very least they deserved.

Oliver Glasner came away from Selhurst Park being applauded by both sets of fans. The former Crystal Palace manager had little reason to clap himself after watching his Nottingham Forest side do everything but score.

The visitors had eight of what Opta define as “Big Chances.” Seven were squandered, none more impressively than Liam Delap’s point-blank range close-your-eyes-smash.

The fates had conspired against Forest to such an extent Glasner tied himself in knots while trying to assign blame. “Today it looks like it is just me who is responsible for this,” he shrugged, “call it karma or whatever but it was like I didn’t deserve to win at Selhurst Park because the players did everything.”

This was a lesson in the bare minimum. Arsenal groggily rose from their slumber for barely 15 minutes of Saturday’s lunchtime kickoff and managed to emerge with three points against a spirited Leeds.

Is that the sign of champions—winning while playing poorly—or a grim portent of what is to come? All’s well that ends well? The coming weeks will tell.

“When you put it in the corner, which corner are we celebrating in?” Cole Palmer turned to ask Jordan Henderson as Chelsea lined up a free kick against Bournemouth. “Just that one to the right, there,” Henderson replied before stuffing his second goal of a staggering afternoon beyond the dive of Djordje Petrović.

Chelsea have developed a slightly concerning habit of letting the opposition back into a game once taking the lead (invariably inside the opening seconds of kickoff), but when Xabi Alonso’s fearsome front three is complemented by the renaissance of a reborn 36-year-old, there can’t be too many complaints.

In the face of hostility, Enzo Maresca turned to what he trusts most: control. Manchester City managed to survive a shaky start and had already started to inch in front of their energetic hosts before Gravenberch’s red card paved the way for a procession.

Whether it was an act of defiance or futility can only be decided in the court room. On the pitch, City showed precisely how good you can be after almost a decade of fiddling the finances.

Daniel Farke described himself as “heartbroken” to emerge from the Emirates without anything to show for outplaying Arsenal on their own patch. It’s a forgivable reaction considering the quality and consideration of Leeds’ performance against a side Farke hailed as “the best team in Europe.”

Leeds struck a brilliant balance between aggression and cohesion, laying a series of traps in which the champions repeatedly fell. Arsenal only salvaged a win with a brief burst of excellence that stretches far beyond the remit of what Leeds’ budget should be able to withstand.

Brighton are collecting new ways to win. The Seagulls have suffocated opponents with a blistering press, ruthlessly exploited weakened teams and overwhelmed opposition with a remorseless monopoly of the ball.

Fabian Hürzeler added a new string to his bow on Saturday, orchestrating a classic smash-and-grab despite being reduced to 10 men with almost the entire second half still to play.

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