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Conversation, Charlie Tyson wrote in 2023, is by nature fleeting. He quotes Virginia Woolf: “It flies up the chimney,” she once said, “and is gone.” This perspective may be comforting for people who spend hours after a social interaction perseverating over that one joke that didn’t quite land. But Woolf’s remark doesn’t necessarily imply that conversation is meaningless. Understanding that conversations are temporary, that they fly up the chimney to make room for new ones, can help us talk to one another more honestly. “In the twists of talk, we open ourselves to others and allow our interior to be subtly reshaped,” Tyson wrote in his review of a book on the subject.
The benefits of conversation are constantly threatened by modern life—by the pull of a phone notification during lunch with a friend, by the impulse to text instead of call, and perhaps most dramatically, by AI’s promise to obviate the human need for talking. Woolf’s description of language might make it seem replaceable, but this transient quality is precisely what makes talking an essential part of life. Language is something we are creating, demolishing, and creating again, every second of every day—a distinctly human act.
On Conversation
The Secret to a Good Conversation
By Charlie Tyson
A new cultural history embraces talk as an open-ended source of temporary delight. (From 2023)
The Secret Life of 'Um'
By Julie Beck
How filler words and tiny pauses keep conversations from going off the rails (From 2017)
Embrace the Awkward Silence
By Michael Waters
Conversational lulls may be harder to avoid than ever—so we might as well get used to them. (From 2023)
Still Curious?
- How to cheat at conversation: A new AI tool promises to improve social interactions but instead makes them worse, Julie Beck wrote last year.
- Overcoming awkwardness: In the first episode of our 2023 podcast How to Talk to People, Julie Beck and Becca Rashid discuss small talk.
Other Diversions
PS
“Although we usually appreciate the beauty of trees in full leaf, I was stunned by the bare-branched symmetry of this tree on a quiet winter day in our small town,” Dorothy B. from La Conner, Washington, writes.
I’ll continue to feature your responses in the coming weeks.