Skims co-founder Emma Grede has a message for leaders who think being a good boss means being everyone’s friend: You’re confusing two very different responsibilities. In a recent interview with Boardroom, Grede explained that leaders can be deeply empathetic toward employees while still making difficult decisions in the best interests of the business. She believes those responsibilities are not mutually exclusive, and that effective leadership requires a willingness to balance both.
Her comments, which also drew attention in Business Insider‘s coverage of her leadership philosophy, point to something larger than the familiar debate about whether bosses should be liked or respected. They highlight a fundamental misunderstanding of executive presence and what makes someone effective in a leadership role. The qualities we traditionally associate with executive presence may help someone command attention, but they don’t necessarily help that person lead well.
Executive presence isn’t what most people think
For decades, we’ve associated executive presence with confidence, charisma, polished communication, and the ability to command a room. There’s nothing inherently wrong with those qualities, but they’re incomplete measures of leadership effectiveness. Someone can appear exceptionally confident while lacking the judgment, interpersonal awareness, or decisiveness necessary to lead others successfully.
In my work studying leadership behavior, I’ve come to think about executive presence differently. Rather than a single quality someone possesses, I see it as a dynamic combination of three sets of behavioral signals: relational, functional, and directional.
Refreshed leadership advice from CEO Stephanie Mehta
Relational signals communicate warmth, showing people that you’re approachable, respectful, and genuinely interested in their well-being. Functional signals communicate competence through sound judgment, expertise, and the ability to help people accomplish meaningful work. Directional signals communicate gravitas through clarity, conviction, and a willingness to accept responsibility for difficult decisions.
Effective leaders need all three, but that doesn’t mean displaying them in equal measure all the time. The challenge is recognizing what a particular situation requires and adjusting those signals accordingly. A leader who understands this can be compassionate without becoming permissive, decisive without becoming intimidating, and knowledgeable without seeming inaccessible.
Why empathy without accountability falls short
Grede’s argument about empathy provides a useful illustration. She believes leaders have an obligation to treat people well, but that doesn’t eliminate their responsibility to make difficult business decisions. She also rejects the idea that workplace relationships should be treated like family relationships, where personal loyalty might interfere with professional expectations. Her distinction gets at a problem many managers encounter when they confuse being supportive with avoiding discomfort.