No One Calls Me the Right Name at Work. It’s Been Years!

Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I’ve been with my company for a few years, working on a technical team where many of my colleagues have been around for a decade or more. I started here straight out of school at the entry level, and even though I’ve moved into a more specialized technical role that I love, I still feel like “the new guy” compared to the veterans.

My first name doubles as a common last name. Our entire team operates on a first-name basis, but because our internal software formats names as “Lastname, Firstname,” I understand why new people get confused. What gets on my nerves, however, is when senior colleagues—including my direct supervisor—address me by my surname alone.

When people message me using my last name, they’ll sometimes send a follow-up apology. But my preferred first name is right there on the screen in front of them, so I don’t quite understand how the mistake keeps happening. I corrected a colleague once in a message, but I haven’t pressed the issue since; I know they’re talking to me, so I try to let it go.

It only happens about 5 or 6 times a year, but it bothers me more than I’d like to admit. As a trans person, I specifically chose my first name because it fits who I am, and while I haven’t fully unpacked how that identity intersects with this situation, having my chosen name bypassed for my surname adds a quiet layer of disappointment.

Given the tenure gap and my lower standing on the team, I’m anxious about what this name-forgetfulness actually signals. Is this just an innocent software-induced brain glitch, or does it reflect a broader lack of visibility or respect for someone who started at the bottom? How direct should I be in correcting people without stirring the pot? Should I continue to let this go?
—Last Name Basis

Dear Last Name Basis,

Gently, I don’t think continuing to let this go is an option, because you haven’t been letting it go—these incidents are bothering you and they will continue to bother you if you don’t take some action. But I don’t think “stirring the pot,” as you put it, is the only other option. You could send a brief email to your direct supervisor that says something like, “I know our email software flips it, but I go by [First Name], not [Last Name]. It would mean a lot to me if you could make sure to use my first name.” Or mention it again in the moment—whichever feels more comfortable.

It’s a little tougher for me to assess your question about intent. My gut instinct is that this is more of a brain fart situation when someone sees a name that they associate with a last name in the typical spot of a first name, but I can’t say for sure. (You’ll get important data from your supervisor’s response to your request to use your first name—if they respond professionally and not defensively, then I think you’ve got another point in the “this is not on purpose” column.)

What I would do is do a broader check-in with yourself about how you are treated at the company. Other than this occasional (to me, five or six times a year qualifies as occasional) slip-up, do you feel like you’re treated with respect? Are you given interesting projects to work on? Is there a clear path for promotions and raises? If the answers to all of those questions is yes, then I’d be even more inclined to chalk this up to people being careless, not deliberately putting you down. If the answer to any of those questions is no, then I think now you have a different, and separate, conversation to have with your supervisor.

Dear Good Job,

I hate generative A.I. I think it is a net bad for society, and that we all must continue to think for ourselves even if it’s “harder.” I also believe that, since the models were trained on stolen work, it’s plagiarism to use the output of the “plagiarism machine.” My problem is that “Meghan,” who is my boss but also my friend, refuses to see that I’m right. Instead, she thinks I’m insulting her by hating A.I. The reason is because she now uses LLMs in practically all of her work tasks that I don’t do for her, and she is constantly telling me I should use A.I., too. The thing is, it’s very obvious the things she uses A.I. for, because they sound like A.I.! The output is bad! I’ve told her I think this is bad for her as she cedes her brain to these stupid machines. But also bad for her business, because it’s clear she’s using A.I. She says it’s not, and that even if it was, it makes her look like a smart multitasker. She thinks A.I. is a modern miracle and that we’ll all be sitting on the beach soon while LLMs do all the work. I’m having a very hard time working with her now and can’t respect any of the work she’s doing, knowing how she’s doing it. I’m looking for new work, but I don’t want to end up with another LLM evangelist. How can I screen employers and managers for this?

—Anti AI

Dear Anti AI,

It’s alarming, and depressing, how many people truly cannot tell the difference between LLM-generated writing and human-generated writing. So I am really on your side here, both as a reader and someone who is clinging on for dear life to writing as a viable career. One bright spot I heard about recently is that among the youth, saying “that’s so A.I.” is the biggest insult you can say to someone. So maybe the proud use of A.I. by people like Meghan is going to become associated with other Boomer-esque habits like posting copypasta or cringe-worthy memes on Facebook.

Until then, I think that you can screen for this in the same way that you’d ask about anything else at a company you’re interviewing with. I would try to keep it neutral and just ask something like, “What is the company’s policy on using generative A.I.?” Their response should give you a good sense of where they stand. I truthfully don’t think it’s realistic for any workplace to be completely opposed to the use of A.I.—even the New York Times uses AI for certain aspects of their work, although they do not allow A.I. to be used to write articles in any way. And I think the use of A.I. will continue to evolve, but you are right to be wary of any workplace that has gone all in on A.I.—because the next thing you know, you’re going to be asked to train the LLM to replace you. In the meantime, just tell Meghan “that’s so A.I.!” the next time she shows you something that’s clearly been generated by an LLM. You can have a little chuckle to yourself as you look for another job.

—Doree

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