DEAR ABBY: Grandpa lives closer but still keeps to himself

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was 5 years old, and my father moved out of state shortly afterward. For many years, I rarely saw him in person. However, he stayed in touch through phone calls and letters, and he always called on my birthday and holidays. Eventually, he settled in Alaska, far from where I lived. Even with the distance, he remained a consistent presence by phone in my life.

He recently retired and now lives about an hour and a half away from me. I’m a father myself now, and I want him to be a part of both my life and my children’s lives while he has time left. The problem is that he’s a hermit who seems content to stay at home. Over the years, he has missed many important moments in my life, like my wedding, my college graduation and most of my children’s milestones.

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My youngest son graduates this month, and although I’ve invited my father, he says he has other plans. I have even offered to pick him up and take him home if driving is difficult. I know he loves his grandkids; he texts them and tells them he’s proud of them. I can’t force him to be more involved, and I’m beginning to wonder whether I should stop trying. What advice do you have? — MISSING DAD

DEAR MISSING: Unless your dad seems bothered by your attempts to include him, continue inviting him to every event. He may not attend, but his texts indicate that he’s interested in his grandkids’ lives.

It can be hard for older people to get around, and he may feel it would be too burdensome to let you play chauffeur. You didn’t mention any health problems, but 90 minutes in a car is more than even some healthy seniors would want to consider. Why not make time to take your kids to his town for a visit? I’m not suggesting you invade his home, but an announced day trip to get him out of the house might be good for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: My spouse passed away from pancreatic cancer more than two years ago. We were together for 13 years and stood by each other during good and bad times. I was recently contacted by my first love from 44 years ago. We’ve been emailing, and I’ve been feeling emotions about him like when we were younger. My heart beats faster when he writes, yet I feel guilty because I was prepared never to care for anyone again. Is it possible to find someone to love me in my early 60s? Part of me feels scared to make a fool of myself, so it’s confusing. — FUTURE LOVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR FUTURE LOVE: Yes, it is indeed possible. The emotions you’re feeling are proof that you’re alive. Folks in their 60s and beyond have been known to find love again. You may be one of the lucky ones. The important thing is to let this relationship play out in its own time and not try to rush it.

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