Standing in front of the bridal boutique mirror, my eyes fill with tears.
I’m speechless – unable to believe the woman in a white gown and veil is me.
Getting emotional when you put on your wedding dress is nothing new. But my wedding day would be far from normal.
It was a day I’d dreamed of for years, but I’d imagined a handsome groom at the altar.
Instead, I’d be walking down the aisle to marry myself.
I know that sounds a little tragic, but I’m far from the only woman to opt for sologamy, or self-marriage. In 1993, dental hygienist Linda Baker, 40, was the first to say ‘I do’ to herself, in front of 75 guests and seven bridesmaids.
Louisa Warren said: 'At 20 I had a clear five-year plan: by the time I was 25 I’d be married to a man who worshipped me and we’d go on to start a family'
Like her, I was fed up of waiting around for a man to ‘complete’ me and wanted to show everyone, but also myself, that I was enough.
I didn’t grow up dreaming of marrying myself. At 20 I had a clear five-year plan: by the time I was 25 I’d be married to a man who worshipped me and we’d go on to start a family.
The trouble was, as 25 came and went, I was no closer to my vision of domestic bliss. I was always drawn to the wrong sort of men, alpha males with lots of charm. I had a lot of first dates, where I’d fall for their compliments and feel sure this was ‘the one’. Inevitably their unwillingness to commit meant it would fizzle out. Now 40, I’ve never had a real relationship.
Still, I remained optimistic that Mr Right was just around the corner. My positive attitude was destroyed, however, when I was 29. When I began feeling lethargic, I put it down to my hectic restaurant job but that didn’t explain my sudden cravings for orange juice or the odd rash on my leg that looked like patchy sunburn. Exhaustion made exercise impossible and I would go on to gain 10st, going from a size 8-10 to 26. My confidence was at rock bottom and the last thing I wanted to do was socialise.
My dating life took a nosedive. Even when I occasionally felt energetic enough to try dating apps, the only guys who swiped right were the ones who declared: ‘It’s okay, I like big girls.’
Eventually, aged 37, I was diagnosed with ‘hybrid diabetes’, which incorporates factors of type 1 and 2. Thanks to medication my health improved and I’ve since lost 7st.
Louisa said: 'When I went dress shopping later, the owner asked who the lucky man was. "Actually, I’m marrying myself," I replied with a grin, loving how the words sounded'
But my dating life remained a disaster. I became the perennial singleton, putting on a smile at my friends’ weddings but feeling like I would never have a day of my own.
Maybe that’s why, on a trip to Las Vegas with my friend Sam last October, when I was 39, I was intrigued by the wedding chapels. Wandering around one, I was saying I’d love to get married when the lady who worked there said: ‘You can always marry yourself.’
She explained they offered legally binding weddings and ceremonial ones, including self-marriage. This was popular with people who’d been on a challenging life journey. ‘It’s a way to make a commitment to yourself. To celebrate what you’ve been through,’ she said.
I thought of all my health struggles and relationship dead-ends. This could be an amazing way to empower myself. ‘I’m going to do it,’ I told Sam, who clearly thought it was insane. I paid £190 for a 30-minute package with flowers. When I went dress shopping later that day, the owner asked who the lucky man was.
‘Actually, I’m marrying myself,’ I replied with a grin, loving how the words sounded.
Ahead of the ceremony, Janet, the celebrant, asked about my vows – something I hadn’t thought about. With her help, I articulated what I wanted to promise myself. As I wrote, ‘I will live without changing myself to please others’, I was filled with a sudden burst of hope and pride. At the chapel doors, I clutched my bouquet nervously, waiting for the music to begin.
It felt emotional to get to the altar alone. In the past, it would have felt tragic but now I felt it was proof I valued my own worth
On a trip to Las Vegas with my friend Sam I was intrigued by the wedding chapels. I was saying I’d love to get married when the lady who worked there said: ‘You can always marry yourself’
It felt emotional to get to the altar alone. In the past, it would have felt tragic but now I felt it was proof I valued my own worth. While I still hoped to find Mr Right one day, I was showing the world – and myself – that being single didn’t make me any less.
After all, I’d achieved so many other things, from my degree in music composition to forging a good career in the film industry.
As I read my vows to myself, I struggled not to cry. The final act was to place the wedding ring on my own finger before walking back up the aisle alone. I was elated.
Back home in Manchester, when I told my mum about my wedding, she just sighed. My friends were thrilled but clearly thought it was a joke.
I understood that reaction but to me this really was something meaningful. That feeling has only grown in the year since. Though I’m dating again, I haven’t told any of the men that I married myself. I want to wait for a real connection before mentioning it.
I hope one day I’ll say my vows again – this time to the person of my dreams.
As told to KATE GRAHAM