How to stop a pastime from becoming an unhealthy obsession

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Last year, while training for an overseas marathon, I developed an ankle injury that forced me to pull out of the race. 

I was deeply disappointed, not least by having to scrap a holiday to Japan with a hefty flight cancellation fee to boot. 

What upset me more was all the wasted time and effort I had invested in preparing for the race, including sacrificing time with friends and family to wake up early for training sessions. 

Lately, however, injuries have not been the only source of frustration in my running journey. As I get older, I have found myself increasingly discouraged by the lack of improvement in my race timings. 

Unlike in my university days, when I first took up cross-country running, these improvements no longer come as easily, no matter how hard I train.

When I wake up for runs, I now find myself wondering: Why is a hobby that is supposed to relieve stress and keep me healthy having the opposite effect? 

And when did the pursuit of a passion stop being enjoyable and instead start to take a toll on my mental health? 

Experts I spoke to said that most hobbies, when taken seriously, can be beneficial, but like most things may also be detrimental if taken too far.  

"A dopamine rush comes because of accomplishment," said Mr Edgar Tham, sports and performance psychologist at SportPsych Consulting. 

"You have a positive reinforcement, and therefore it makes you motivated to do it again because it gives you a positive result mentally and emotionally."

But the danger comes when the "rush" is taken away through bad results, or when an individual is sidelined due to factors such as injury or an inability to complete a more complicated skillset, such as playing a favourite but more complicated song on the guitar.

"When you take it away from them, they have no other sources of dopamine rushes, so to speak ... you can see where that potential addiction can come from in the long run," he added. 

"It's something people don’t speak up enough about ... people don’t want to admit that there's an addiction to a hobby."

SERIOUS HOBBIES ARE BENEFICIAL BUT WHEN DO THEY CROSS THE LINE? 

Taking up a hobby and being serious about it is in itself not a bad thing, said experts.  

Founder of mental health service Therapy-Help Juliana Pang said that hobbies and interests help children with their cognitive, social, emotional and physical development, and this extends to adulthood.

"With a hobby, usually there's some structured practice, some knowledge to learn mastery and skills," she said. 

This not only provides personal satisfaction and fulfilment but also helps individuals connect with people with similar interests and be part of a community. 

Artistic hobbies like painting allow for emotional expression, while physical interests like sports can improve fitness and lower health risks, she added. 

"Overall, there is a benefit to having not just a passing interest in hobbies, but a commitment or a passion for it," she said. 

Negative feelings towards a hobby, however, can emerge when there are setbacks or perceived failures.

"If our disappointment is hooked to our sense of achievement, performance, and self-identity, then we might have feelings of anxiety, maybe shame, for not being able to perform well vis-à-vis our peers,” said Ms Pang.

Disappointments can also come when hobbyists take on a "perfectionist" mindset as they achieve more in their interests. 

"You are in this space where you have no idea of what failure means or is, and so the expectation is now broken or not accomplished when things go wrong," said Mr Tham. 

But even if our hobbies are going well, could we unknowingly be going overboard?

Mr Tham said one sign that an obsession with a hobby is out of hand is when it begins to affect day-to-day function.

"It affects the mood, your daily habits and lifestyle, your work, your school, almost anything, because it's now weighing you down," he said. 

In my case, whenever I am deep into a training cycle, I tend to take a "run at all costs" approach, which means going so far as to skip quality time with loved ones to fit in a run.

Ms Pang said that the compulsion to continue an activity despite its negative effects is a red flag to watch out for.

"When it becomes a compulsion, meaning that there's already negative impact, and you're still insisting on doing that rather than trying to balance out your time and attention, that's indicative of some problem," she said. 

Indeed, if I end up missing the run for one reason or another, I tend to get moody, and sometimes those closest to me can sense it.  

People who become overly obsessed with their hobbies often exhibit signs and symptoms similar to those facing stress at work, said Dr Jay-Lee Nair of Dr Jay-Lee Psychology Practice.

She said that among her clients are athletes who entered their sport with no expectations, before realising they had an aptitude for it, thus becoming more serious by entering competitions and even hiring a coach. 

"They come to me because they feel really anxious about the experience, they suddenly have expectations that they never had before, and they feel a lot of pressure to suddenly make it a performance exercise and very results-oriented," said the sports and performance psychologist.

DOES SOCIAL MEDIA EXACERBATE THE PROBLEM? 

A common joke among runners is that a marathon doesn’t count if you don’t post about it online.

While the line is meant as a joke, many runners, myself included, do indeed have a tendency to share our achievements and shiny new personal bests online.  

And it's not isolated to sporting achievements: there are many who have also created accounts to share their various interests, be it baking, pottery, or even support for a football club – with some gaining a substantial following. 

But while sharing one’s progress in their hobby can feel good and possibly inspire others, there are downsides as well. 

Dr Jay-Lee said that those who constantly post about their progress on social media could end up in a cycle of being dependent on external validation in the form of likes or encouraging comments. 

"That can lead to a lot lower satisfaction over time, simply because they're not really doing it for the intrinsic value, and they need the validation from the outside world to confirm that this is something they're doing well," she said. 

Agreeing, Ms Pang said that some individuals also feel the pressure to continually post about their progress on social media. 

"When there's a loss of perfection, the feedback, comments and the rapid loss of popularity can be quite devastating on some individuals if they had built their self-identity and their self-worth based on that initial popularity and validation," she said. 

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT BALANCE 

The first step in managing an obsession with one’s hobby is to recognise that there is an issue. 

"Are you painting because you love painting, or because you know you want to sell the painting for a million dollars? Are you interested in running because running brings you joy, or are you trying to strive to get that popularity?" said Ms Pang.

"Understanding the purpose for which you do the activity is helpful."

She added that looking to friends and family for feedback is crucial as well. 

"Have a good inner circle that gives you good constructive feedback ... these people might share with you (that) there may be something that's not quite right with the way you are pursuing a certain activity," she said.

Feelings of disappointment related to hobbies are not unhealthy but how one deals with those feelings is key, added Ms Pang. 

"We can use a setback to look at other strategies to get better at our hobbies, look at it with what is typically known as a growth mindset."

A growth mindset is the belief that one’s skills can continually improve through learning lessons from failures and working on weaknesses.

Another strategy is having a close friend or family member with whom to share disappointments, preferably someone who has experienced similar setbacks. 

"These setbacks are then normalised and it is okay and you can recover from it, and I can try to learn from different experiences from different people," she said. 

While not as damaging to someone’s health and relationships as vices like gambling and alcohol, addiction to one’s hobbies can also warrant professional intervention if it disrupts daily functioning. 

Dr Jay-Lee said that 10 years ago, 2 per cent of those who sought help from her clinic were amateur athletes trying to better manage their sport. More recently, this has grown to 10 per cent. 

Ms Pang said that it is often not obvious to seek professional help for matters regarding our hobbies, as hobbies are seen as intrinsically good. 

"The hobby itself is not the problem. It's the obsession," she said.