Our Daughter Is a 10-Year-Old Bully. My Wife’s Taking Her Punishment Way Too Far.

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Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Ellen,” and I have a 10-year-old daughter, “Gretchen,” who we just found out from her school has been the ringleader of a clique of girls who have been bullying a classmate, “Kristen” since school started. Gretchen has been grounded for the next three months and lost her internet privileges for the next six (except for school-related things). However, Ellen is insisting on another punishment.

She also wants to keep Gretchen home from trick-or-treating on Halloween. Don’t get me wrong. I think our daughter’s behavior was incredibly mean-spirited. But Halloween only comes once a year, and I think being made to sit it out is excessive. Ellen is standing firm and says Gretchen needs impactful consequences. Who is right?

—Too Far

Team Ellen, all day. Gretchen is old enough to deal with the consequences of her actions and they need to be serious enough for her to get over this bullying stuff now before she becomes a real menace. Halloween is not a religious holiday, your daughter will be fine if she misses a year and she absolutely deserves that. Instead of pleading for a break, focus on ensuring Gretchen has learned the err of her ways and that she has sincerely apologized to her victim. Bullying is cruel, dangerous business that has driven kids to suicide. It must be taken with the utmost seriousness. Gretchen should actually have to hand out candy to other kids this year without eating any–that’s how naughty she’s been. You could also take her to a shelter to serve food on Halloween. No matter what you do, she shouldn’t have fun, folly, nor a costume this year.

—Jamilah

Classic Prudie

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for four months. When we started dating she told me she usually doesn’t go for guys as physically attractive as me, which I found odd. She is very cute but not the hottest girl I’ve dated. Her intelligence, personality, and character are why I’ve fallen for her.