Midlife lessons from our favourite female tv characters who are over 40

The lesson: 

You’ll still probably fancy the wrong guys

We’re supposed to choose the wrong, the bad, the unsuitable and the dangerous in our 20s. We overlook a lack of job, money, commitment, sense, hell, even in some cases hygiene if he has a cute smile and arms that we’re sure could carry us from a burning building.

But in midlife we’re more sensible right. We’re all about compatibility, shared goals, stock portfolios and other grown-up things….Wrong. The heart (or somewhere a little further south) wants what it wants and sometimes that’s an entirely unsuitable man who just looks really, really good in a vest. Alex knows that going back for Round Two with Patrick (Rupert Friend) is a bad idea, but does it stop her. Of course not. In short, we might be better at spotting red flags but we still like the look of the man waving them.

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The lesson: 

Being good at your job doesn’t mean having your life sorted

How long have we been told we can ‘have it all’? And on the surface Hannah looks like she’s the poster girl for women excelling in all areas of life. However, she might be one of London’s most formidable divorce lawyers, able to calmly steer clients through the messiest moments of their lives, but behind the immaculate office doors her own life is considerably less orderly. Thank God. 

Hannah reminds us that success doesn’t mean having all the answers and being brilliant at your job doesn’t magically make you brilliant at marriage, motherhood, family or knowing what on earth you want next.

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The lesson: 

Desire doesn’t have a sell-by date

The original trailblazer for glamour and sex appeal over 40, long before the media even discovered the phrase “midlife woman”, Samantha was refusing to apologise for wanting men (and women), success, money or fun. Anyone who remembers the iconic Miley Cyrus who wore it best dress moment would know to NEVER suggest Samantha was too old to do anything she wanted to.

The lesson: 

Being wanted still matters 

Neglected by her husband, novelist Lizzie could easily have been written as another sad middle-aged wife, lapsing into a bottle of gin whilst her husband had all the fun. Not on Jilly Cooper’s watch. Instead, Rivals allows her desire, temptation and the intoxicating experience of being properly noticed again.

Midlife doesn't make us immune to attraction or to the thrill of someone looking at us as though we're the most interesting person in the room.

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The lesson: 

Female friendships are what get you through

Rebecca begins Ted Lasso bruised by a brutal divorce and intent on righting the wrongs done to her. What follows is far more interesting: friendship, vulnerability, romance and the gradual rebuilding of a life. Central to that is her unlikely friendship with Keeley Jones, who becomes one of her biggest cheerleaders, both personally and professionally. 

Then there's Sassy, the childhood best friend Rebecca lost touch with during her marriage to Rupert, who isn't afraid to call her out for neglecting their friendship.

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The lesson: 

Midlife women are allowed to be angry

Gemma Foster is not a role model for healthy coping mechanisms. And that’s why we love her. After discovering her husband’s affair, she is everything we all secretly hope we'd be furious, reckless and intent on revenge. And why the hell not.

The lesson: 

It is never too late to begin again

After 18 years in prison, Miri returns to her small hometown and attempts to construct an adult life almost from scratch. Two decades in the slammer might not feel familiar to most of us, but the experience is felt by many midlife women: how everyone else seems to have moved forward while you somehow got left behind. Miri's awkward, funny attempt to re-enter the world is a reminder that even under difficult conditions we can start over.

The lesson: 

Style can get better with age

While Emily may have her name in the title, it’s arguably Sylvie who is the star of the show. Netflix, if you’re reading can we have a spinoff please? Sheer panels, impossible to walk in heels, bodycon dresses, tailoring as sharp as her tongue, every time she’s on screen she makes a serious style statement, all without ever looking like she’s trying too hard.

The lesson: 

We’re allowed to look (and feel) knackered sometimes

Forget aspirational midlife. Mare is exhausted. Her roots need doing, her family is complicated and she eats whatever is available while standing over the kitchen sink. She's also funny, desirable, brilliant at her job and cares for everyone around her. Showing an exhausted woman without once resorting to a makeover scene (although she does scrub up pretty nicely, she is Kate Winslet after all) felt completely revolutionary.

The lesson: 

Women don't have to become nicer with age

At 42, Beth is clever, damaged, loyal, ruthless, sexy and often absolutely appalling. In other words, she gets to enjoy the complexity television has traditionally reserved for male characters. Kelly Reilly's ferocious performance is a reminder that getting older doesn't have to mean getting softer, there’s still plenty of time for VERY bad behaviour.

See photos: Beth Dutton's outfits in Yellowstone