Stop the Wedding: 10 Relationship Red Flags Worth Thinking About Before Saying 'I Do'

Weddings signify the permanent union of two people in love. But with marriage also comes the thought that this is forever, that you are committing to the partner you choose for the rest of your life. And in a country like the Philippines, where divorce is not generally available under the law, choosing a partner is something you should be wise about.

Now, a trend is going around social media where netizens share the traits that would make them stop a wedding. The trend is fueled by singer Ashe’s song “Stop the Wedding,” which has people thinking about the things they would not tolerate in a relationship.

Here are some of the reasons women said they would stop the wedding.

There was a popular post by a nurse on TikTok where a husband was asked to fill out a form for his wife. When he was asked for his wife's maiden name, he did not know it.

How could you be with someone who does not even know basic details about you? What if you were in a life-or-death situation and he had to provide important information about you? How would you expect him to take care of you once you are married?

You take the time to memorize the little things about him and get to know him on a deeper level, but he does not do the same for you. Of course, no one can be expected to remember every single detail, but there is a difference between forgetting something and not making an effort to know your partner in the first place. If he cannot even be bothered to learn about you, that is definitely something to think about before walking down the aisle.

This one might seem simple, especially when it involves things like skincare or other feminine interests. But if your partner would rather ask other people about these things than ask you, even when you are right there, it might be worth asking why.

It is not necessarily about skincare or any other small topic. It is about whether he values your opinion and sees you as someone he can turn to. If he can ask other people about something as simple as this, what happens when it comes to the bigger decisions in your lives?

Of course, you cannot expect your partner to consult you about absolutely everything. But if he consistently overlooks your thoughts and opinions, it might be time to rethink your decision. Why would you want to build a life with someone who does not even consider you when making decisions that matter?

What this means is being with someone who resorts to aggression or intimidation whenever he gets angry. And why would you want that?

You can sometimes see the warning signs early on. If he smashes things, slams doors to intimidate you, threatens you or makes you feel afraid whenever he is upset, do not brush it off as just a bad temper.

Imagine living together and eventually raising children in that kind of environment. Leaving could become even more complicated, especially if you share a home, finances or responsibilities.

Anger is a normal human emotion, but violence and intimidation are not acceptable ways to deal with it. If he already shows these signs before marriage, do not assume that getting married will change him. You deserve to feel safe with your partner, not to spend your life wondering what might set him off.

This might be similar to the first point, but it can hurt in a different way. Imagine taking the time to learn your partner's hobbies and interests, only to realize that he has never made the same effort to learn about yours.

It can make you wonder whether he is genuinely interested in who you are or simply enjoys having you around.

It is not about having the same hobbies or liking all the same things. You can have completely different interests and still have a good relationship. What matters is being curious about each other and making an effort to understand what makes the other person happy.

If you want to know everything about him, why does he not want to know the same about you? It is a simple question, but one worth asking before committing to a lifetime together.

You would probably notice this one early on. No flowers, no dates, no effort to get to know you. I could go on, but basically, if he does not even try to show you that he cares, what are you doing in that relationship?

Of course, effort and sacrifice can mean different things to different people. For some, it might be receiving flowers or being taken on dates. For others, it could be time. If your partner only has one rest day and chooses to spend that day with you, that might be a huge sacrifice on his part.

This is why it is important to communicate what makes you feel loved. Not everyone expresses affection in the same way, and not everyone has the same resources or amount of free time.

But there is a difference between someone who expresses love differently and someone who simply refuses to make an effort. As they say, actions speak louder than words. If your partner keeps telling you that he loves you but does nothing to make you feel loved, then maybe it is time to leave.

These are the types of partners who avoid conversations, especially when the topic is uncomfortable. Whenever you try to discuss an issue, they might walk away, shut down or refuse to talk about it altogether.

Communication is important in a relationship because neither of you can read the other's mind. You have to be able to tell each other what you want, what you need and what is bothering you.

Now, needing time to cool down before talking about something difficult is understandable. Not everyone can immediately process their emotions, and taking a break can actually help. But there is a difference between asking for space and constantly avoiding a conversation that needs to happen.

Think about what that would look like once you are married. What happens when you have to discuss finances, raising children, family problems or other serious matters that require both of you to sit down and work things out?

You cannot build a life with someone who refuses to communicate with you. Problems do not disappear just because you choose not to talk about them.

Life is hard, and making money is hard. So being with someone who is financially irresponsible, especially in this economy, can make life even harder. If your partner cannot manage money, you could end up struggling to afford even your basic needs.

I know some people would say, “That's all right. We love each other, and I know we will get through this.”

And that is a nice sentiment. Love and commitment can help couples get through difficult financial situations, but it also matters whether both people are willing to work together and manage what they have.

It is not about how much money he earns or whether he can afford to buy you expensive things. Someone can earn a lot and still be financially irresponsible, while someone who earns less can be careful and sensible with money.

What matters is whether he understands budgeting, prioritizes necessities, plans for the future and takes responsibility for his financial decisions. If you are planning to build a family together, these things become even more important.

Marriage is not just about surviving on love. You also have to think about rent, food, bills, emergencies and the possibility of raising children. It is not about material wealth, but about being able to build a stable and comfortable life together.

Okay, this one might sound niche or make you wonder, “It's just a picture. What's so telling about it?”

Well, they say a picture paints a thousand words, and how your partner captures you might tell you something about how he sees you.

I am not saying you should use the pictures he takes of you as a metric for measuring his love. Not everyone is good at photography, and some people simply do not know how to find the right angle.

What I mean is something my friend once said: “If you feel pretty in the pictures they take of you, it pretty much reflects how they see you and how much they love you.”

Another friend had a different take. If your partner does not want to take pictures, then he simply might not want to. But if he knows how much you love having your picture taken and still refuses to make an effort, that is something you can take into consideration.

At the end of the day, it is not really about getting the perfect picture. It is about the little things your partner does because they know those things make you happy. If you love taking pictures together, you would hope that he would want to be part of those memories, too.

This is a sensitive topic, and it deserves to be treated with care. Struggling with suicidal thoughts does not automatically mean someone is emotionally immature or incapable of being a good partner. People can experience mental health struggles and still have loving, healthy relationships.

However, if a partner threatens suicide whenever you try to leave, set boundaries or raise concerns, that is a serious situation that should not be ignored. Using the threat of self-harm to keep someone in a relationship can place an enormous emotional burden on the other person.

You might find yourself feeling responsible for keeping your partner safe, even at the expense of your own well-being. And if you are thinking about building a family together, you have to consider whether both of you have the support and resources needed to handle difficult situations.

If your partner is struggling, encourage them to seek professional help and involve trusted people who can support them. You can care about someone without becoming solely responsible for their mental health.

And if they are willing to seek help and work toward managing their struggles, that is a positive step. But you should never have to stay in a relationship out of fear that leaving might cause your partner to hurt themselves. Their well-being matters, but so does yours.

If your partner does not give you the space to be yourself or even lets you do the things you enjoyed before you got together, stop and think about the relationship.

You were someone before you met them. You had friends, family, hobbies and a life of your own. Your partner should be an addition to that life, not a burden that makes you give everything else up.

Of course, being in a relationship means making adjustments. You have to consider each other's needs, spend time together and sometimes compromise. But that does not mean you should lose yourself in the process.

If you start losing interest in the things you love or find yourself unable to spend time with the people who matter to you because your partner will not allow it, it is best to reconsider the relationship.

You let them be themselves, so why can they not let you do the same?

A healthy relationship should give both people room to grow as individuals while building a life together. You should not have to abandon who you are just to make someone else comfortable.

So, should you stop the wedding?

All of these are reasons people might consider ending a relationship or stopping a wedding, but ultimately, it rests on you and your partner, your circumstances and how you define your own deal-breakers.

It is important not to let social media dictate what you should expect or want in a relationship. For example, if your partner does not give you flowers but makes sure to get you all your favorite food and cravings, do the flowers still matter? Well, maybe they do to you, and that is something you should communicate.

The point is that people have different ways of expressing love. What makes one person feel loved might not mean as much to another. That is why you have to learn what matters to each other and make an effort to meet those needs.

But communication does not mean you have to spoon-feed your partner everything they should know about you. You cannot simply hand them a guidebook and expect them to follow every instruction. They should also be willing to pay attention, learn about you and notice the little things that matter.

They should learn to love you as you learn to love them. Relationships take work, and neither person will get everything right all the time. What matters is the willingness to listen, grow and make an effort.

But if you start noticing signs that could turn into bigger problems in the long run, do not ignore them just because you are already planning a wedding. Marriage will not magically fix a person's behavior, and the pressure of a wedding should not be the reason you commit to someone you have serious doubts about.

It is better to think things through before saying “I do” than to hope everything will work itself out afterward.

And if you realize that the relationship is not right for you, remember that you are allowed to leave. You do not have to stay just because you have already invested time, love or money into the relationship.

There will be other people who will love you better, but more importantly, you deserve a relationship in which you feel safe, respected and loved for who you are.