If the thought of marching into a hotel happy hour and introducing yourself to strangers makes you want to run to your room and hide, you’re not alone.
As someone who occasionally runs group trips, I can confirm that even the most competent adults revert to high school disco mode when faced with a room full of strangers: everyone wants to connect, but nobody wants to be the first person on the dance floor.
Fortunately, making friends while travelling solo doesn’t require hostel pub crawls or even an outgoing personality, just a few simple tricks and a willingness to occasionally put your book down.
First, choose stays that offer natural opportunities to connect. That might mean a hostel if you’re on a budget, or a design hotel with a great lobby bar or co-working space.
If your room feels like a luxury cocoon, though, don’t be surprised if you rarely emerge from it. Better to choose somewhere that nudges you out into the world.
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Once you’re out there, have a Google and see what’s on. Maybe it’s a fermentation class in Seoul, a walking tour in Lisbon, or a pottery workshop in Kyoto. The beauty of these experiences is that you don’t have to invent reasons to talk to people. You’re already united by the fact that you’ve both voluntarily spent money learning how to pickle cabbage or carve a spoon.
Tours work in much the same way. You’re thrown together with a motley crew of people you’d never otherwise meet, but the pressure’s off because you’ve all got something obvious to talk about: this strange, wonderful place you’ve found yourselves in.
Not every conversation has to end in lifelong friendship. Sometimes it’s enough to share a joke on a bus or swap restaurant recommendations before going your separate ways.
Because solo dining can be the Big Bad Wolf of solo travel, use counter seating as your secret weapon, where you’re usually shoulder-to-shoulder with other diners. And resist the urge to retreat behind your phone; people are much more willing to approach you when your eyes aren’t glued to a glowing rectangle.
When conversations do happen, remember there’s an art to making good chat without sounding like you’re conducting a job interview. Ask questions you’d genuinely like the answer to. “What’s been the highlight of your trip so far?” tends to lead somewhere much more interesting than, “so what do you do?”
These questions can be supremely practical, too. Need someone to take your photo? Trying to work out whether you’ve boarded the right ferry, or how the train ticket machine works? Ask the person next to you. People are usually warmer when they’re responding to a request than a random introduction. It also helps to remember that most people aren’t scrutinising you nearly as much as you think they are. They’re worrying about whether they’re being weird, too.
And hey, if none of this works and you still find yourself solo, there are worse fates than a great meal, a good book and nobody to answer to.
One of the joys of travelling alone is discovering that your own company can be pretty excellent, too.
