SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man working in Europe has opened up online about feeling trapped between the life he wants abroad and his family’s constant demands for him to return home.
Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit, the man shared that he has been living in Europe for almost a year on a temporary work visa. Far from feeling homesick, he said he is genuinely enjoying his independence there and hopes to stay on longer — possibly even settle down permanently if he can secure the opportunity.
But while he is building a life he likes overseas, his family back home, he said, calls him every single day with the same question: when are you coming back?
“I dislike my family dynamics back home, and I genuinely feel very depressed and frustrated living with my family,” he admitted.
“I don't know what the future holds, and I don't know if I'll even find a permanent opportunity to stay here, but I feel so pressured by my family constantly asking me when I will return. I've tried explaining it to them, but they don't get it.”
He added that his family constantly harps on how “great living back home with them would be” and talks about the sheer abundance of opportunities that exists in the city state.
His parents feel that returning home is the obvious and safest choice. But for him, it feels the opposite.
“They don't seem to get that the things I want in life and my interests differ from theirs. I have an impending sense of doom when I think of returning back home, not because of Singapore particularly, but because of my family.”
Seeking a way out, he asked Redditors: “How do I tell my family I don't want to return home?”
‘Make your own decisions’
In the thread, several Redditors encouraged the man to be honest about his feelings and establish firmer boundaries with his family.
One suggested reducing the frequency of their calls, especially since his attempts to explain his position had seemingly fallen on deaf ears.
“You’ve tried explaining to them, and it sounds like they aren’t hearing you. It might help if you didn’t call them daily? Maybe once a week? Then you might not feel the pressure to come back to SG.”
Another user said, “Assuming you are an adult and are able to support yourself (ie, your family in Singapore is not ‘sponsoring’ your stay in Europe), then you should just make your own decisions. It is, after all, your life that you are living. Just let them know how you feel and what your plans in Europe are. Continue to keep in touch with them, but there's no need to feel stressed about not following their wishes.”
A third Redditor advised him to be upfront about his intentions rather than avoid the conversation or lie to keep the peace.
“Just tell them honestly you’re not coming back? Don’t listen to others about ignoring, skirting, or even lying to your family about it. That only sets you up towards more drama in the future. Honesty is the best policy; telling the truth is liberating, and you’ll feel less emotional burden on yourself too.”
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