As conversations about marriage continue to dominate radio discussions and social media, an important question has emerged: Is marriage still worth it for young people?
From concerns about financial pressures and infidelity to stories of broken homes and failed relationships, many people are questioning whether marriage remains a worthwhile aspiration. These concerns deserve attention. However, as we contribute to this discourse, we must be careful not to allow painful experiences to become a blanket judgment against an entire institution.
Perhaps the question is not whether marriage is the problem, but whether we are adequately prepared for what it requires.
Marriage is an institution. It cannot lie, betray trust, refuse to apologise or neglect responsibilities. People do these things. Yet, when relationships fail, we often blame marriage itself without examining the attitudes, choices and behaviours that contributed to the breakdown.
This distinction matters because the way we frame public conversations can influence how people understand social institutions. When individual experiences become sweeping generalisations, we risk replacing thoughtful reflection with fear, cynicism and misconceptions.
Marriage, like any significant human commitment, requires more than love and attraction. It demands emotional maturity, honest communication, patience, mutual respect, commitment and a willingness to grow together. It also requires people to understand themselves and what they are prepared to contribute to a shared life.
Preparation must therefore go beyond financial stability and the ability to organise a wedding. Couples need to learn how to navigate disagreements without humiliating each other, discuss difficult issues without resorting to insults and manage expectations without turning every disagreement into a contest of power. Marriage counsellors often emphasise the importance of communication, conflict resolution and emotional awareness in building healthy relationships. These skills do not eliminate disagreements, but they can help couples address them constructively before resentment becomes deeply rooted.
Unfortunately, we sometimes invest more energy in preparing for weddings than preparing for marriage. We celebrate the ceremony but pay insufficient attention to the responsibilities that follow.
We must also reconsider the mentality with which some people approach relationships. It is reasonable to expect love, security and support from a partner. But a relationship becomes unbalanced when our attention is fixed entirely on what we stand to gain, rather than what we are willing to contribute.
Marriage is not just about finding the right person; it is also about becoming a responsible partner.
The Bible offers a useful principle in Ephesians 4:2, which encourages believers to be humble, gentle and patient, bearing with one another in love. These qualities are particularly relevant in marriage, where two people with different backgrounds, personalities and expectations must learn to live together. Patience does not mean tolerating abuse, and humility does not require one person to surrender their dignity. Rather, both partners must be willing to listen, acknowledge their mistakes, apologise sincerely and make meaningful changes. A healthy marriage cannot be sustained by the demands of one partner alone; it requires the consistent effort of both.
This is not an argument that everyone must marry or that every failed marriage is the fault of both partners. Marriage is a personal choice, and no one should be expected to endure abuse to preserve it. Rather, it is an invitation to deepen the conversation beyond the familiar question of whether marriage is worth it.
As a society, we should be asking how we can better prepare those who choose marriage for its emotional, practical and relational responsibilities.
We must also be careful about the lessons we draw from failed marriages. The experiences of people who have suffered betrayal, neglect or abuse deserve to be heard, not dismissed. However, their experiences should encourage honest conversations about the warning signs of unhealthy relationships, the importance of setting boundaries and the need to seek professional support when necessary. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that plans can fail without counsel, but succeed with many advisers. Premarital counselling, honest conversations about finances, children, family expectations and personal values can help couples identify potential areas of conflict before they make a lifelong commitment. Such preparation is not a guarantee of success, but it can help people make more informed decisions.
My position is simple: we should neither romanticise marriage nor condemn it indiscriminately. We should acknowledge its challenges, learn from failed relationships and encourage healthier attitudes towards commitment.
Perhaps it is time to stop asking only whether marriage is worth it and start asking what it takes to build a healthy one.
After all, a wedding may bring two people together, but their values, character, choices and actions help shape the marriage they build.