Book excerpt: "Your Turn: How to Create a Midlife You Love"

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In "Your Turn: How to Create a Midlife You Love" (Avid Reader Press/Simon & Schuster), NPR health and science correspondent and "Sunday Morning" contributor Allison Aubrey writes about the steps Gen Xers may take to foster a sense of purpose as they enter this next stage of life.

Read the excerpt below, and don't miss Allison Aubrey's commentary on "CBS Sunday Morning" October 18! 

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If you've been so busy taking care of others that you haven't had time for yourself, you're not alone. As a Gen X woman, I've spent decades in the trenches, toggling between kids and career. When I hit a midlife wall, I took a sabbatical from my day job. I called it a "curiosity tour," and I went in search of people making bold, heartfelt pivots. What I found made me excited for the future. These women showed me how much opportunity and adventure can still lie ahead.

One way to start a midlife reset is to make time to be creative. Creativity lets us express what's inside of us, and it can be a bridge to connection. Sometimes the nudge to begin comes from someone else's story.  

Excerpt from Chapter 8, It's About Damn Time

"I used to be so delusional. I always imagined I could be more than I was, and eventually I grew and evolved into that person."
—Lady Gaga

Every spring, I take a bluebell hike with my friends, when the purplish bell-shaped wildflowers temporarily blanket the woodlands along the Potomac River. Last year, Amy Wilton, a friend of a friend who happens to be a professional photographer, joined us. When the hike was over, as she scrolled through to share her images, it wasn't the bluebells I found engaging. "Wait, stop, go back," I said as she flitted through.

It was a portrait she'd taken in Maine that caught my eye, of a woman singing onstage. A picture can paint a thousand words, but this one painted one: transcendence. I had to know more.

I visited Kristi Kalajian in Camden, Maine, where she lives. Turns out, Kristi works as a PA, a physician assistant. Her part-time gig is as a singer in a band, a role she didn't seriously entertain until her fiftieth birthday.

Kristi has a lush and smoky voice and has always loved R&B. As her fiftieth birthday approached, that I need to sing feeling resurfaced. She made up a set list of her favorite songs and began practicing to get her voice back into shape. "I was so nervous," Kristi told me. She invited a bunch of people to the home of a friend, who had a gorgeous grand piano. The concert was a runaway success.

So, what next? She didn't want to stop. She really wanted to be in a band again. "Looking back, that was definitely the thing that was missing in my life," she says. But she lives in a small town and had two teenagers at the time, as well as her job that required long hours, so road shows were a nonstarter.

Maybe it was just a dream. Time passed. Then, she was invited to a New Year's celebration where the host asked everyone to make a vision board. Kristi had always considered this kind of thing to be hokey, but she went along anyway. Throwing caution and cynicism to the wind, she picked up a pair of scissors and, without thinking, began to cut out pictures of musicians and instruments, a band and horn players, and, yes, a singer performing to a cheering crowd.

Not more than a month later, a local musician approached her. "Hey, a friend is looking for a singer with a smoky voice to join his band. Interested?" Within a few weeks, they were rehearsing, and they've been playing gigs ever since.

When Kristi stepped up to sing the lead on her band's rendition of Lizzo's 2020 hit song, "About Damn Time," I couldn't help thinking that she had found her third-turn anthem.

The great thing about the third turn is that we don't need to "adult" all the time anymore, as parenting and workloads lighten, and our creative spirits can come out to play. According to Dr. Jeremy Nobel, a primary care doctor and poet, the formula is simple: "Be curious. Make things. Have conversations."

Kristi, now in her sixties, has experienced moments of self-doubt. "Sing Lizzo, at my age?" But she has learned to override the doubt. "I feel complete," she told me.

If she had waited until she had retired from her job, this moment might never have come. Even if it's dipping your toe in the water, taking the first step is essential. After dozens of interviews, I'm convinced there's an art form for everyone. If it's not calling you yet, here are some tips to get started.

Try one thing. There are so many creative pursuits—painting, pottery, poetry, music, theater, culinary arts, and gardening (which Nobel calls the "slowest form of performance art"). Just pick one—there's no pressure. If you don't like it, try something else. That's part of the pleasure of creativity in midlife. For more inspiration, check out the CreativityHub, which is full of prompts to get your creative juices flowing.

How were you creative as a child? Creativity comes easily to children, so think back to when you found joy in making something, or singing or dancing, or just pretending (i.e., creating stories). Katy Baytosh loves to dance. Turn on the music, and this buttoned-down college admissions advisor is transformed back into her teenage diva self! She teaches Shake Your Soul classes. "It's a way for people to tap into the creative spirit without thinking about it as a performance," Baytosh says. You're not competing to be the most graceful or the best. "It's about heartfelt expression through connecting to yourself and others." When I took Katy's class, it had been eons since I'd danced as if no one was watching (and thank God they were not!). Look for opportunities to try rekindling creative practices from your childhood. Find a class or a group that shares your passion. Remember, there's no trophy. It's just about joy and connection. You're trading performance for pleasure.

Start a group to share creative prompts. For some people, creativity is also a way to maintain friendships. One of my former colleagues, Alison Richards, remains close with three friends from England, where she grew up. These women live on different continents, and their IRL meetups are rare, so they started a WhatsApp group. It's a place to share ideas and generate inspiration. They all work with the same prompt, say a nature photo or a line of prose. Then each woman takes it in her own direction. One may write a poem, while another paints or sings about it. The beauty of this practice is that it nurtures both creativity and connection.

    
Excerpted from "Your Turn: How to Create a Midlife You Love" by Allison Aubrey. Published by Avid Reader Press/Simon and Schuster. Copyright © 2026. All rights reserved.

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"Your Turn: How to Create a Midlife You Love" by Allison Aubrey

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• "Your Turn: How to Create a Midlife You Love" by Allison Aubrey (Avid Reader Press/Simon & Schuster), in Hardcover, eBook and Audio formats