We live in a fast-paced society with competing work, family, and social responsibilities. Trying to keep up with everything is impossible. You have to pick and choose how you allocate your precious time and energy.
Setting boundaries is an essential skill for navigating life's frantic pace. If you do not cultivate this skill, life will spiral out of control.
There is a misconception that boundary setting is synonymous with saying "no." The truth is, boundary setting can take on a variety of forms. For example, asking for help or delegating tasks is an example of boundary setting. The same holds true for speaking up and advocating for yourself when you perceive some form of mistreatment or discrepancy in workload distribution.
Speaking up and advocating for yourself can feel prohibitive due to underlying emotional forces. These include feelings of guilt, shame, or obligation; being a people-pleaser; avoiding conflict; and having a fear of repercussions. I previously wrote a post about the emotional barriers to setting boundaries on Psychology Today.
However, another reason that people do not speak up for themselves is that they do not know how to. They lack a blueprint that can serve as a compass to effectively communicate their perspective.
If you find yourself in this situation, don't despair. Here is a simple, three-step technique to help you speak up and advocate for yourself.
1. Ask with curiosity
Let's create a hypothetical scenario. Imagine a situation in which your boss has assigned more work to you compared to your colleagues. Perhaps you have been assigned more shifts or projects than your peers.
Feeling frustrated with such a situation is completely valid. Your feelings are a signal to take action and bring the discrepancy to your boss's attention. Not speaking up and stewing in silence will not solve your predicament. Your silence only teaches your boss that it does not bother you to be assigned more work than your peers.
In this scenario, you ideally want to approach your boss at a time when they are available to discuss the matter. The setting of the conversation is important. Catching them off guard lowers your odds of achieving your desired outcome. It would be prudent to email them in advance that you would like 5-10 minutes of their time to discuss a work-related matter.
At the time of the meeting, you want to approach them with a curiosity mindset. You do not want to be confrontational or jump to any premature conclusions. Perhaps your boss did not notice the discrepancy and made an honest mistake. Another possibility is that they are short-staffed and assumed you would be OK with carrying the workload. After all, you are a hard-working, conscientious individual who always goes the extra mile. Is it not reasonable for them to assume that you would be OK with a few extra call shifts this month?
Regardless of their reasoning, you need to approach your boss to address the situation. A good starting point is to share your observation about the workload discrepancy and ask them about it with a curious tone.
An example can be:
"I noticed that I have six call shifts this month, but my colleagues only have three call shifts. Can you help me understand the discrepancy in workload?"
2. Listen with intent
Once they start explaining their reasoning, listen with intent. Let go of any preconceived notions and seek to fully understand their perspective.
Carefully listening to their explanation is critical because it will provide you with the necessary information to make an effective pitch and advocate for yourself.
Boundaries Essential Reads
3. Make your pitch
Once you have received the necessary information from their explanation, it is time to make your pitch. When making your pitch, you want to be assertive, but not aggressive. An aggressive tone is more likely to be met with resistance.
You also want to demonstrate that you emotionally understand your boss's predicament. This will increase the odds that they will work with you.
Finally, you want to offer potential solutions to the predicament. Proactively offering solutions increases your odds of gaining something valuable from the conversation. This is because you are directly impacted by the current predicament and more likely to come up with effective solutions than someone who is not directly impacted.
Here is an example of a pitch:
"Thank you for explaining the situation. I understand that you are in a difficult predicament because we are short-staffed and I appreciate you counting on me to get the job done. However, I cannot continue to take extra calls at this unsustainable pace. I wonder if next month, I can go back to my regular workload by distributing the calls more evenly among everyone in the department."
If the extra work does not bother you or your ask is met with resistance, then you can pivot to a different solution such as an increase in compensation or a promotion. Think of it as a win-win situation in which you help your boss fill the call shifts, and you gain something for going the extra mile.
When preparing your pitch, think of speaking up as an opportunity for personal and professional growth. Personal growth stems from refining your ability to speak up and advocate for yourself. Professional growth comes from making your pitch and gaining something in return.
Being equipped with a simple technique along with the necessary mindset can make it easier to speak up and advocate for yourself. Do not let this opportunity go to waste.