‘James Acaster is mesmerising on Celebrity Traitors for most unique reason’ – Amol Rajan

At this stage in proceedings, Celebrity Traitors could be renamed ‘Massacre of the Innocents’. Since I last attempted to grace this page, three smart, strong, immensely likeable human beings have been eliminated, and through no fault of their own.

Myha’la, Bella Ramsey and Julie Hesmondhalgh are all wonderful actors. What did they do to deserve their exits? Nowt. Myha’la may spend years regretting the wink she gave Richard at that first roundtable. And sure, there was some funny business between her and Hannah Fry when it came to the shields. 

But as Boris Johnson once said, when the herd moves, it moves. And the herd moved against her. I was so gutted for her. She’s a lovely person, infinitely nicer and less damaged than the character of Harper Stern that she plays in the hit series Industry. 

What of Bella? Having four young kids as I do, The Worst Witch has been a very big part of my life; so I think out of all the characters in the castle, it was Bella that I was most intrigued by. 

We shared a fun car ride with Julie, which was a joyful introduction to one of the most fascinating minds I’ve come across. That’s the thing about those long journeys in the black Land Rovers. There’s only so much plotting and scheming you can do, believe it or not. So you get to know each other quite well, and I thought Bella was going to go deep into the game because of their unusual mix of problem-solving nous and beneath-the-radar disposition. Bella fell victim to smart Traitor tactics: disposing of the blameless. It could so easily have been Sebastian ‘Bash’ Croft, who happened to be Bella’s closest ally. 

And as for Julie, goodness me. You may know her as Hayley Cropper from Coronation Street. Others know her by her reputation, as the nicest woman in showbiz. I saw her on stage in Punch, the James Graham play about the life of Jacob Dunne, the boy from Nottingham who killed a man with a single punch – and then turned his life around. She was phenomenal. 

In the castle, she had three big problems: she offered strong opinions on who she suspected; she openly said she was keeping some information to herself; and James Blunt led a brutal charge against her. When the herd moves, it moves. Especially if its leader is singing ‘You’re beautiful’ to each member. 

The arc of this series now hinges on a peculiar fact. Two of the three Traitors are, as it were, haters. They hate being Traitors. James Acaster is one of the most successful comedians of his generation for many reasons, perhaps above all because he sees through mendacity. 

James, as I discovered to my cost, is a very smart bloke, and he’s a very honest one too. His rather novel technique, of being a Traitor yet saying he’s playing as a Faithful – he really didn’t want to be a Traitor, damn it – is mesmerising television. 

Hannah makes a fascinating Traitor for a different reason. When thinking about what kind of Traitor I would be, I felt I would have been rubbish if I’d been chosen by Claudia Winkleman at the very first roundtable; but that if I’d been recruited in the chapel I’d have been fine. Or even better, a great one, because I had actually inhabited that character of a Faithful. So having been recruited, I’d just carry on with my Faithful persona. Having been a Faithful would have been a big advantage. 

I think Hannah may be the opposite. Everyone knows she’s the Brain of Britain. What they don’t know is that she’s also the Heart of Britain too. 

Being so damn nice, which she is, I don’t get the sense that she relishes murder. And that, in the end, is a Traitor’s task. Or rather: triple task. First, kill. Second, enjoy the kill. Third, lie about it. All three of those sit uneasily with the sweet, kind Professor Fry.

Maya Jama, on the other hand. Well, goodness me. This magnificent TV series has shown that, to be a great Traitor, you have to be psychologically well disposed to living a lie. Maya’s ‘villain era’ persona is built for it. 

Whereas my mate Richard E Grant, the Lord of Chaos, one of the great actors of his generation, who basically lies for a living when he takes on these different parts, was sent mad by it all. 

Going into tonight, I’m struck by how a few of what Joe Marler might have called the Big Dogs have been quiet. I wish I had been quieter too. If they ever released me from that coffin and into a new series, ‘Silent but Violent’ would be my new mantra.

Amol Rajan is host of The Amol Rajan Connection on YouTube, Amazon, Spotify and Apple. Sign up for his free weekly newsletter at amolrajanconnection.com 

Celebrity Traitors airs on Thursdays and Fridays at 8pm on BBC One and BBC iPlayer.