Once viewed as the preserve of ladies who lunch, Botox has become as commonplace as a scale and polish over the past decade or so. Yet despite their growing ubiquity, a certain stigma still lingers around anti-wrinkle injections. While some detractors raise legitimate ethical or safety concerns, others conflate Botox with frivolous vanity. Little wonder, then, that some women prefer to keep their Botox appointments discreet – in some cases, even from their own partners.
Sophie, 57, didn’t speak a word about her own first foray into injectables. “My frown lines were really prominent and I’d always hated them,” she says. “I was interested in Botox for a long time but was too scared to do anything because you hear all these horror stories – and I knew my husband wouldn’t like it.” With her son’s wedding on the horizon, Sophie decided it was now or never and booked an appointment. While delighted with the result, she chose not to reveal it to her husband. “I just know he’d say that I don’t need it or that I’m being silly, so I told him it was a normal facial.” It wasn’t exactly lying, says Sophie. “It was just, you know… omission.”
Why do we keep Botox from male partners?
Dr Molly Burrets, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist and host of the Kissing Frogs podcast, notes that in straight relationships, keeping injectables from a spouse is more common than we might think. “In my practice, the three most frequently cited reasons for hiding cosmetic work from a partner are the financial cost of the procedure, the belief that one’s partner would not support the decision, and a desire to have their partner believe their physical traits are natural.”
Ada-Marie, 31, has experimented with Botox and fillers over the years, but never discusses it with her partner, believing he wouldn’t understand. “I hate to generalise, but I feel as though many men don’t truly grasp what it’s like to live with the constant pressure of societal beauty standards,” she says. “Like a number of men I’ve dated, my partner says confidence is sexy and that he loves the natural look, but men often have no idea how much effort goes into appearing ‘naturally’ beautiful.”
That’s where the contradiction lies. Men oppose Botox because it shatters the illusion of the effortlessly gorgeous woman who ages flawlessly without cosmetic assistance. And yet, the beauty standards women strive for are almost always shaped by the male gaze. Men frequently express opposition to cosmetic work, but admire fuller lips, defined jawlines, smooth complexions – features that often require subtle interventions to achieve, at least over time. Ask a man to name a woman who “looks great for her age”, and they’ll likely point to someone who has had a handful of expertly executed treatments.
Dr Paris Acharya, a London-based aesthetic doctor and CEO of Ardour Clinic, agrees that this preference for natural beauty can fuel clandestine behaviour around injectables. “We praise someone for looking remarkably youthful, then judge her if we discover she has had help,” she says. Natural beauty, then, becomes almost a moral virtue, adds Dr Acharya. “This can create shame around treatment, alongside guilt about spending money or time on oneself, particularly when a woman is accustomed to putting everyone else first.”
Dylan, 45, found out that his partner had had Botox after looking at their shared bank statements – she hadn’t informed him because she assumed (correctly) that he would judge her. “I have no problem with anyone taking steps to feel more comfortable with their appearance, but for me, Botox is a fool’s bargain,” says Dylan. “If they instead spent that money on proper nutrition, hydration and sunblock, they’d take proper care of their skin, rather than just making things look good on the surface.”
The notion that women use Botox as a substitute for proper skincare misses the point entirely. While sunscreen and hydration may be enough for men to maintain their social standing, the same leniency is rarely afforded to women, who face far harsher societal double standards as they age. According to a 2023 study by the University of Exeter, women feel the social effects of ageing more keenly than men, experiencing greater discrimination in employment, finance and healthcare. Certainly, Dr Acharya posits that secrecy around injectables often reflects a deeper social stigma. “Cosmetic treatment is still sometimes associated with vanity, insecurity or an inability to accept ageing,” she says, adding, “A woman may feel perfectly comfortable with her decision until she feels she has to defend it to someone else.”
Is this dynamic unique to heterosexual relationships, then? For Sara, 33, who is in a relationship with a woman, the experience couldn’t be more different. She says her partner, Amy, has never judged her for the Botox appointments she books in every three to four months. “Whatever makes her happy,” Amy says.
Is Botox safe?
Dr Nina Bal, a cosmetic doctor and founder of Facial Sculpting Clinic, has a handful of clients who choose to keep their Botox from their male partners. “There is often a desire to keep treatments private, particularly within relationships where their partner may be sceptical about injectables,” she says. It’s all familiar to British Vogue’s acting beauty and wellness editor, Jacqueline Kilikita, who says her partner has watched her experiment with various beauty treatments over the years, but that Botox remains a sticking point. Her partner notes: “Most Botox I’ve seen leads to unnatural-looking faces and it’s easy to overdo it. Also, without a qualified, trusted injector, most people are taking a significant risk.”
His concerns are certainly valid. Between 4 June and 6 August 2025, there were 41 confirmed cases of botulism – a rare but life-threatening condition that can cause paralysis – in England, believed to be the result of unlicensed botulinum toxin (Botox) injections administered in unregulated settings such as domestic kitchens, hair salons or mobile beauty services. Studies estimate that in 2025, approximately 25 per cent of Botox injections in the UK were carried out by practitioners without a medical background. Consultant dermatologist Dr Sidra Khan notes that you should always checking the qualifications of your practitioner before your appointment. Doctors should be on the General Medical Council (GMC) register, and nurses on the Nursing and Midwifery Council (NMC) register. A platform like Save Face is also an excellent resource for finding reliable, medically trained practitioners.
Botox vs filler
Few people want to debate their desire to refresh their appearance, especially if the person offering the rebuttal is their own partner. Interestingly, Dr Acharya and Dr Bal report that some fail to distinguish between Botox, which relaxes facial muscles to smooth the skin, and dermal fillers, which use hyaluronic acid to restore volume. Could the aversion simply stem from misunderstanding?
Edie, 34, has been getting Botox regularly for two years. She loves her rejuvenated appearance and, ironically, so does her injectable-averse husband: “I’m sure he’d disapprove and tell me I don’t need it, but he hasn’t seen me without it for two years and always compliments my skin,” she says. “I believe most men who are against Botox don’t actually know what it is. I think they associate it with frozen faces and those who overdo it, or think it’s a generic term for any facial procedure, like filler.” Dr Bal concurs: “There’s still a stigma around anti-wrinkle injections, particularly among men, who may associate them with looking unnatural and are often influenced by extreme examples in the media.” Done well, and in the hands of a qualified professional, Botox can often appear inconspicuous.
Why do some men dislike Botox?
While some men are concerned for their partner’s health, is it possible that others oppose Botox because they perceive it as a threat? When relationships are grounded in control rather than genuine partnership, an apparent disdain for beauty treatments might be masking what is actually discomfort with a partner’s autonomy. This scepticism extends beyond injectables, with countless women on TikTok sharing stories of ex-boyfriends who questioned everything from their beauty treatments to their self-care rituals. When I ask Dr Burrets whether conscious or unconscious misogyny plays a role in men’s dislike of injectables, she is unequivocal. “Absolutely. Women are caught in an impossible bind: we’re criticised for ageing, then criticised for doing something about it. Misogyny demands that women meet certain beauty standards, while making it look as though they haven’t tried.”
Ultimately, it’s entirely up to the individual whether – and with whom – they choose to share the details of their treatments, but perhaps it is worth interrogating the intention behind opting for silence. As Dr Burrets says: “I always encourage women to differentiate privacy from secrecy; they feel similar but have different origins. Privacy is choosing to limit what you share because your body belongs to you. You don’t owe anyone a running log of your skincare routine. On the other hand, secrecy is hiding something because you’re afraid of the consequences of telling the truth.” Secrecy erodes us, and our relationships, too, she adds. “So the question isn’t, ‘Should I tell?’ but, ‘Why don’t I want to?’”