My Halloween-Freak Neighbors Are Making Our Street Unlivable. What I Have in Mind for Them Will Be Quite the Fright.

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Dear Prudence,

My husband and I are retirees who used to live in a nice, quiet neighborhood. Until over the last five or so years, when our decades-long neighbors moved away one by one to be replaced by families who each have a horde of noisy kids and barking dogs. Now we dread each Halloween because of all the literal little monsters disrupting the peace with their trick-or-treating (the brats STILL ring our bell even with our porch light out!).

The ones most directly responsible for our misery are a young couple who go all out decorating their house and carving around 50 pumpkins. Each year the display brings more and more people—many who don’t even live in the neighborhood—and now our street becomes one big block party from around 5 pm to 10 pm each Halloween. These churls don’t even have any children of their own! We are thinking of suing to stop them from attracting everyone in town. Would that be the way to go, or should we try getting the HOA to shut them down first?

—Halloween Hell

Dear Halloween Hell,

Hear me out: On the evening of October 31, or whichever day your municipality designated for trick or treating, make yourself some apple cider, sit on the porch with a big basket of candy, and give it to the kids (and adults) who stop by. I’m thinking Halloween could feel less like a potential lawsuit and more like an enjoyable (or at least bearable) experience if you felt you were a part of it. If you’re not up for hosting trick or treaters, another version of this plan would be to try to add some joy (What do people who hate noisy, decisive crowds and barking dogs like? Birdwatching? Sound baths?) to your own life, which would put you in a better mood and hopefully occupy some of the mental energy that’s going towards being a hater. My final idea is to take the money you apparently have available to retain a lawyer and use it for a nice fall getaway that removes you from the unbearable sound of people having a good time.

Dear Prudence,

A couple of months ago, my wife’s youngest sister moved away for college. I think my MIL had a case of “empty nest syndrome” and got a small dog (a Shih Tzu mix?) named Scooter from the local shelter a few weeks ago to take care of and to keep her company. Great dog, but for some reason Scooter has taken a real liking to me. Runs around in circles when I arrive, lays at my feet when I’m sitting at the table and jumps up into my lap when sitting in a chair or on the couch. I have a feeling that I remind Scooter of his former owner.

Lately, my MIL doesn’t bring Scooter over to our house, saying he needs to learn to be by himself every now and then. Understandable. And when we go over to her house, she locks him in another room because “he needs to learn that some people don’t like dogs so he can’t always be out when I have company.” The sad part is after I have been there for a bit, he must smell me and starts to whine. Finally, my MIL will cave in and let him join us.

Last weekend, my wife’s other sisters visited the youngest at college and they were discussing Scooter. One sister came back and told my wife that their mom was jealous of me and how Scooter favors me over her when I am around him. It’s her dog and he should like her over me! Do I say something to my MIL? If so, what? Ignore Scooter when I am around him and hope he will become detached from me? Is there anything my MIL can do with Scooter to make him like her better?

—Dog Favors Me Over Its Owners

Dear Dog Favors,

You’re being so thoughtful (no wonder Scooter likes you!) and it’s really nice that you want to come up with a solution, but this is nuts. I can’t encourage you to change your behavior to manage your MIL’s ridiculous feelings, especially because she hasn’t even been honest with you about them. You never win when you try to contort yourself to appease someone who is this emotionally immature and unreasonable. By the way, I don’t understand how she loves her dog so much that she is distressed when he jumps into someone else’s lap, but not enough to feel bad about locking him in a room by himself. Maybe Scooter would like your MIL more if she didn’t put her own ego over his ability to live his little dog life in peace?

Anyway, this is really a problem for her to solve or maybe for her children (the people she actually told about her weird jealousy) to help her handle. If they’re up for it, they could come up with a plan to spend more time with her or reassure her that she’s loved, to combat her empty nest syndrome. They might try to reassure her that a dog’s excitement around a particular person could be fueled by any number of things and shouldn’t be confused with love. (Think of the way a child might become totally giddy when they meet their favorite character at Disney World. This doesn’t negate the intense attachment they have to their actual parents.) But again, that’s a job for people who are closer to her than you are—and not targets of her possessiveness.

I don’t know if your priorities and family dynamics allow for this, but I would personally avoid going to her home until she calms down about this, just to save poor Scooter from solitary confinement. I’m no animal psychologist, but I seriously don’t think they’re capable of having the thought “Some people don’t like me, so I can’t always be out when my owner has company.”

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Dear Prudence,

Four years ago, my husband had an affair with a coworker. We temporarily separated, but ultimately, he started a new job and we stayed together, although I never felt things were fully resolved. Now I need a sense check. Earlier this year I learned he had been texting with another female colleague for around six months. I was uncomfortable with this being hidden from me, especially since it was clear there were occasions where you would expect it to come up in normal conversation. He claimed he never thought to mention it and wouldn’t text her again.

Recently while we were both working from home, I overheard a conversation he was having with a coworker that immediately struck me as being more personal than usual, and afterwards I confirmed with him it was with her. I feel misled about the nature of his relationship with her, as it’s clearly closer than with all the rest of his coworkers and it makes me uncomfortable. He says it’s unreasonable for me to try and control his conversations with colleagues. I think I’m right, but I don’t know what to do.

—When Does It End

Dear Does It End,

I definitely don’t subscribe to “Once a cheater always a cheater” because I believe people can evolve and can behave differently under different circumstances. But I do think “Once a cheater, and if things are never fully resolved, and they’re never really held accountable and don’t self-reflect, most likely still a cheater” is probably accurate. And I’m pretty sure remaining defensive and self-righteous is an indication that the offender hasn’t changed their ways. Your husband’s effort to create a narrative about you trying to “control his conversations with colleagues” is actually making my blood boil. How dare he not take your concerns seriously, knowing that he’s had an affair before? Why is he being combative instead of using this as an opportunity to reassure you? It wouldn’t be too much to ask for him to try to offer you a better understanding of the exchanges or even agree to adjusting his conversations with his colleague to make you comfortable.

But I know why he didn’t do either of these things. Because he’s guilty and he cares about his connection with this woman—whether it’s already crossed a line, or whether he’s just enjoying the possibility that it might—more than he cares about being a good husband to you. Don’t let him drag you into a debate about his right to have friends, or the different levels of closeness he has with various colleagues. None of that matters. And don’t let him distract you with an analysis or the messages themselves either. He broke your trust, and he hasn’t changed his behavior or his level of care for you and your marriage. If you don’t enjoy living like this, end it.

Classic Prudie

My future mother-in-law would like to wear her wedding dress to our wedding. I’m less concerned about the dress and more concerned about what this says about our future relationship. She is a very kind, considerate person, and I am certain that she knows this is not a very nice thing to do. What could her possible motivations be and what should I do about it?