The stone in Godswill Akpabio’s heart (1), by Tunde Odesola

^{Devoid of lightning, cameras and other paraphernalia of film production, here is a short story in lessons and laughter. The one-scene, two-actor incident happened under my roof, right before my korokoro eyes. Indeed, it is one of those few-second stories that carries the depth of a compelling series and the spontaneity of a comedy.}

^{Long before COVID locked down the world and inevitably challenged labour to embrace working from home, I sat down ‘jejely’ in my study and scribbled away on my laptop one unbusy weekend morning. Suddenly, I heard a commotion. It was a clash of shrieking voices. I dashed out of the study and headed in the direction where the war of words was coming from.}

^{There, I saw two warriors – one, a five-year-old; the other, a three-year-old, spoiling for war. The battle cries that got me scampering to the theatre of war were: “Don’t pooh-pooh there!”, countered by “I want to pooh-pooh!}

^{Now a full-blown neatfreak, Araoluwa, then my five-year-old daughter, had just ‘washed’ the bathroom, and her younger brother, Ireoluwa, wanted to use the bathroom. Ara wouldn’t have that nonsense: the bathroom she had just ‘cleaned’ to be used by someone? No way!}

^{The younger brother was stomping his feet and holding his already loose trousers in one hand, shouting: I want to pooh-pooh, as his sister, holding the doorknob firmly, screamed: Don’t pooh-pooh there! Soon, the chants became a ding-dong.}

^{I arrived at the warfront and took in the scene. Quickly, I grabbed the little man and carried him to another bathroom. War averted, 17 years ago.}

^{I remembered this tiff between the two siblings while looking for an extended metaphor to drive home the story of Senate President Godswill Akpabio and his red-coloured Senate. Red signifies danger, you know. Red and Senate. The tortoise never leaves its shell behind. Metaphor and story go well together, like absurdity and the red chamber, like thunder and lightning, like 5 and 6.}

^{Respectively, the good and bad spirits of Jekyll and Hyde seized the Senate a few days ago when a disagreement broke out between Akpabio and some senators on the floor of the chamber. The bone of contention was a bill seeking to decriminalise suicide in the country. On the one hand were the senators pushing to wear a human face on the stony statue of a Nigerian statute which criminalises suicide, while on the other hand was the almighty Akpabio, warning anyone who attempts to commit suicide in Nigeria to ensure that they die; otherwise, they will go to jail afterwards. Akpabio, who calls himself the will of god, belched: “If you attempt suicide, make sure you die. Anyone who attempts and fails will go to jail.”}

^{I learnt Akpabio speaks Yoruba. With the dramatic turns and ironic twists characterising legislative proceedings under him, it will not be out of place to imagine the Senate President as a fan of Nollywood. And if Godswill is a Nollywood buff, I think his favourite actors will include Fádèyí Olóró, Abíjá, Ẹlẹ́mọ̀sọ́, Lálùdé, Alex Usifo, Clem Ohameze and Kelvin Ikeduba – all famous actors blossoming in infamous roles. I am sure Akpabio will also fancy Patience Ozokwor and Ìyá Gbọ́nká – actresses whose hearts are milkless. Well, Akpabio is a lawyer by training; a politician by calling.}

^{Now, let us talk about calling and deaf ears. Judicial calling, I mean. In March, 2025, Akpabio blocked his ears with wax when the Justice Obiora Egwuatu-led Federal High Court issued an interim injunction restraining the Senate and its ethics committee from proceeding with an investigation of Senator Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan.}

^{Following Justice Egwuatu’s order, Justice Binta Nyako, in a July 4, 2025, judgment, ruled that the six-month suspension of Akpoti-Uduaghan was unconstitutional and excessive. In a July 4, 2025, report,  THE PUNCH said that Justice Nyako quashed Akpoti-Uduaghan’s suspension and ordered her reinstatement.}

^{Senator Akpoti-Uduaghan, who had formally and publicly accused Akpabio of sexual harassment, alleged that her suspension was a retaliatory move to silence her, insisting that her suspension directly followed her accusations against Akpabio, who had denied them.}

^{Still on calling and deaf ears, another report by THE PUNCH, on September 13, 2025, quoted human rights lawyer Femi Falana as accusing the President Bola Tinubu-led Federal Government and the Akpabio-led Senate of utter disregard for court orders.}

^{Specifically, Falana, a senior advocate, recalled that Akpabio’s Senate looked away when the Tinubu-led Federal Government disregarded the judgments of the National Industrial Court and the Court of Appeal affirming the legitimacy of Tajudeen Baruwa as the national leader of the National Union of Road Transport Workers. The learned silk said Baruwa was forcefully ejected from the national secretariat of the NURTW and a chieftain of the ruling All Progressives Congress, Musiliu Akinsanya, was installed as leader.}

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^{He added, “Judgments of courts are disobeyed by governments and powerful individuals. The most notorious institution is the Senate under the leadership of Senator Godswill Akpabio.”}

^{Leaders elsewhere give the led evergreen quotes like, “I have a dream,” “We must be the change we wish to see,” and “…If you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Akpabio turned national attention on himself last week when he gifted Nigerians an infamous quote: “If you attempt suicide, make sure you die. Anyone who attempts and fails will go to jail.”}

^{Akpabio’s quote was a Greek gift. And Nigerians rejected it; back to sender, they chorused. Even Akpabio’s colleagues in the Senate, Asuquo Ekpenyong (Cross River South), who sponsored the bill, and a medical doctor-turned senator Dayo Faduyile (Ondo-South), along with many others, disagreed with Akpabio’s position.}

^{The position of the right-thinking members of the Senate on the issue of decriminalising suicide is that when a person reaches the point of attempting to end their own life, the state should respond, not by treating such a person as a criminal, but as someone needing urgent intervention, protection and rehabilitation.}

^{Akpabio believes jail should be the reward for a citizen in need of help because, according to him, his Bible frowns on suicide. Living in a residential apartment built and equipped with taxpayers’ billions of naira, I doubt if there had ever been a rat infestation in the Senate President’s house. Otherwise, what could have eaten Akpabio’s portion of the Bible where Jesus fed the masses, showed compassion, preached justice, equity, fairness and sexual integrity?}

^{So, it is convenient for Akpabio to disobey court orders but inconvenient to give support to citizens overburdened by government-induced economic and psychological problems.}

^{Akpabio’s statement falls flat in the face of the data by the Association of Psychiatrists in Nigeria, which says that one in every four Nigerians is living with a mental health challenge.}

^{President of the association,  Dr Veronica Nyamali, said in an interview published by THE PUNCH, October 18, 2026, that an estimated 60 million Nigerians are affected by mental health challenges.}

^{The consultant psychiatrist said, “The average Nigerian is dealing with many challenges. When you look at what is happening in Africa, mental illness appears to be more prevalent in this part of the world than in Western countries. This is because of poverty, economic downturn, and many other problems people face.”}

^{Nyamali, who said the WHO recommends a ratio of one psychiatrist to 10,000 people, however, lamented that “in Nigeria, the ratio is far worse. It may be as low as one psychiatrist to 900,000 or even one million people.”}

^{This is the grim reality of a shattered country where Akpabio recommends a jail term for suicide survivors.}

^{Ironically, Nigeria has differing laws on suicide. On one side is Section 327 of Nigeria’s Criminal Code, which prescribes up to one year in prison for attempted suicide, and Section 231 of the Penal Code similarly provides punishment, including imprisonment, a fine or both. Yet, Nigeria’s Mental Health Act 2021 recognises psychiatric emergencies, including attempted suicide, as situations requiring medical intervention.}

^{In August 2026, barely a month before Akpabio hiccupped inside the red chamber, the Federal Executive Council had approved the amendment of the National Mental Health Act aimed at decriminalising suicide. Akpabio, as the No. 3 official of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, knows the direction of the government on suicide, but he chooses to air a differing opinion, to the detriment of the public good.}

^{If anyone applauds Akpabio for holding an opinion different from the FG’s on the issue of suicide, pray, where was the Senate President when the government has been flouting court orders?}

^{To be concluded.}

^{Email: [email protected]}

^{Facebook: @Tunde Odesola}

^{X: @Tunde_Odesola}

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