Getting married abroad is no small feat.
Depending on your venue, and the size of the wedding, couples can easily be left with a bill running into the tens of thousands.
If you’re going to go ahead with such a lavish wedding, you need to really want it. Unfortunately, this week’s sex column reader is second-guessing why he proposed in the first place.
Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from an older man who’s been having some issues ‘performing’ in the bedroom with his much younger mistress.
The problem…
I’m due to get married next summer after proposing to my girlfriend at a mate’s wedding in May. It seemed like a good idea in that (slightly drunken) atmosphere, but it didn’t take long for me to realise I’d probably got a bit carried away.
She is absolutely ecstatic and although I act like I’m happy, I now have serious cold feet. I feel like I’m just being swept along by her (and her mother) and being offered no say in what will happen.
For example, she has decided that we’re going to have a big wedding in Lake Como with no expense spared. The dress she’s chosen is over £8,000 and the suit she expects me to wear is nearly £2,000 with all the bits and pieces.
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I’ve already got myself into debt buying her the expensive engagement ring she wanted, and I don’t fancy going even more overdrawn.
She says her parents will pay for most of the wedding as they’re loaded, but that’s not the point. My family and friends are much more stretched for cash, and I think it’s a cheek expecting people to buy new outfits and spend money on presents, flights and fancy hotels.
My parents have already said they doubt if they’ll be able to afford it, and I know that will be the same for a lot of people on my side.
I’ve suggested a more modest affair, but my fiancée won’t hear of it. She says she only intends to get married once, so why shouldn’t she have the wedding of her dreams.
I’m now wishing I never suggested it but don’t know how to put the brakes on without causing a major upset.
The advice
Nowhere in your email do you mention the word ‘love’ when it comes to your fiancée. Instead, you fret about the nature and location of the wedding itself, which whilst being understandable, leaves me wondering whether there’s a greater problem at the root of this.
And I don’t just mean for you. It sounds as though your partner may be more in love with the idea of the beautiful sparkler and grand occasion, than what marriage to you actually means.
Think hard about what you want beyond the ceremony itself. Do you actually foresee a future with this girl? Could you spend the rest of your lives together?
You imply that she’s so wrapped up in her fairytale wedding, she can’t see how difficult such an elaborate occasion will be for you and yours. Is someone so self-absorbed the right girl for you?
And if you can’t even see eye to eye at this early stage, are you sure you’ll want the same things going forward?
So many questions; but the longer you let these plans go on, the more difficult it will be to cancel everything, so be brave and put the wedding on hold.
This postponement doesn’t mean you have to end the relationship – but if your partner doesn’t take it too well and you end up getting dumped, at least you’ll know how she really feels.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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