I credit my second-grade teacher for giving me my first vivid memory of being listened to.
After an injustice on the playground Mrs. Bennett pulled me aside, looked at me with compassion, and said, "Tell me everything that happened. Slowly."
She let me ramble on for what felt like an hour, although it was probably 15 or 20 minutes.
Today I could not tell you what happened on the playground. I don’t recall if the kids involved were reprimanded. What I remember feeling is that something had been righted after Mrs. Bennett's intervention.
She seemed to do nothing and everything at the same time.
She listened.
She extended empathy.
She served as my empathic witness.
My intense emotions settled. I felt heard, supported, and less alone.
An empathic witness is someone who listens with care and makes room for another person’s experience, without rushing to judge or fix the problem. The presence of an empathic witness communicates what happened to you matters and I am willing to hear about it.
Years later, as a mom, therapist, and human being navigating a stressful world I observe the power of being an empathic witness repeatedly, in the most unlikely places—including the backseat of an Uber car.
I occasionally travel for work, and I have taken enough Uber rides to confidently say: Everybody needs an empathic witness, including the person taking us to our next destination.
The rides often begin in the same way. I get in the car and ask, "How are you today?"
I don't announce that I'm a therapist. I just ask with sincere interest and nine times out of ten, they tell me how they're doing.
On a recent Uber ride in Miami, a driver shared the challenges he was facing in a custody battle for his child. I listened, occasionally offering a few words of compassion.
When the 45-minute ride was over, he said, "Thank you. I haven't said that to anyone."
He sounded relieved.
I had no way to resolve his custody battle. But I could offer my attention while he put words to something painful.
In moments like these, listening can offer three important gifts:
- A sense of being seen. When someone takes our experience seriously, it can help us feel that our feelings and concerns matter.
- Relief from carrying an emotional burden alone. The circumstances may remain difficult but sharing them can make you feel emotionally lighter.
- Space for clear thinking. Speaking out loud can help us organize our thoughts in real time. In some instances, this can lead to clarity around the next steps.
These small moments of connection matter within a much larger picture. In its 2025 report, the World Health Organization’s Commission on Social Connection reported that loneliness affects approximately one in six people worldwide and highlighted the importance of social connection for health and well-being.
This statistic does not tell us how many people lack an empathic witness. It does remind us how widespread the need is for meaningful connection is.
An ordinary conversation cannot replace therapy when professional care is needed, yet everyone deserves opportunities to feel heard.
On a business trip to San Diego, I had an unforgettable Uber ride, with a woman who regretted moving to a city where she was struggling financially.
Again, I said very little. Here and there I offered a comforting response: “That must have been hard,” or “That makes sense to me.”
At the end of the ride, she abruptly announced, "I know what I need to do. I have to go back home. This is not working."
I could not know whether returning home would ultimately be the right decision for her. What struck me was that she had reached her own conclusion while telling her story.
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There was no magic involved. As she spoke she seemed to hear her own thoughts.
When someone shares a struggle many of us feel an immediate urge to help solve it. We reach for advice as a reflex. I have done this myself and truly meant no harm. The gesture came from a loving place. But in over 25 years as a therapist, I have learned that jumping in and trying to solve a problem while a person is still discovering what they need to do or say can add more stress to the situation.
Being an empathic witness asks us to slow down. If you are not sure what to say, you can ask: “Would you like me to listen or would it be helpful to think through some options together.”
Decades ago, Mrs. Bennett could never have known that I would remember her kindness years later. None of us know how long someone will remember that we made room for their story. These moments heal lives.
When and where you have the emotional capacity to do so, offering yourself as an empathic witness is a gift that keeps giving toward a more compassionate world.
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.